It's Friday The 13th... Do You Know Where Your Life Is Heading? Muah-Hah-Ah.

This is going to be one of those dull "Hey this is what's going on in my dull stupid life these days" posts, so, get out while you still can.

THE MUNDANER THAN MUNDANE

I was really excited yesterday because a bunch of movies that I'd ordered from Amazon showed up. I had gone through my wish list, which had DVDs on it which I'd added like five years ago, and snagged a bunch of them that had gone down in price to between $5 and $10. Except for Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, which was still $18 or so, but I really wanted a copy of it in case it goes out of print.

Ok, see, it's because of the fact that the biggest things going on in my life that give me jollies right now are things like the above paragraph that I have forced myself to move in a lurchingly forward direction:

THE SLIGHTLY LESS MUNDANER THAN MUNDANE

I've decided to just bite the bullet and get an apartment. I've been bouncing back and forth between my Dad's house out near Allentown, and crashing at a friend's place in Stroudsburg, and it's starting to make me a bit loopy. I don't like not having my own space. So, as foolish as it probably is, I'm signing a lease on Monday. I don't actually have a job still, of course, but I've recently had a few conversations with someone who used to work in Real Estate, and so I'm going to make an attempt to purchase some property and see how that goes. Should be interesting, since the very act of typing out that last sentence has already bored me. If my whole Real Estate scheme doesn't work out, I'm going to go be an airline flight attendant. Good travel benefits, and I'd get to wear a stylin' corporate monkey suit. That's the plan for now, anyway.

THE MUNDANE

I'm really excited about this next bit. There is a place in Stroudsburg called 'The Artisans of the Anvil', which is a smithy. A Blacksmith workshop. They make real stuff though; it's not some Renaissance Fair club where they wear ye olde man skirts and say things in silly affected ye olde accents. They make things like gates for houses, bed frames, clothing racks, etc etc. But nice ones. Anyway, I signed up for a blacksmithing class with them which starts next week and goes for 8 weeks. It's only one night a week because I'm sure it's very hard on the body to be banging around with metal all the time if you're not used to it. It's one of those things that I've thought about in the waaaay back of my head for years that would be a cool thing to do, but that you would never actually do. You know, learn a real craft. I think that most people have a couple of those types of things... woodcraft, or pottery, or fireman, for instance. Anyway, I saw the ad for the class and kind of chuckled to myself, but then I was kind of like wait a minute, why wouldn't I try that out?

If I really hate my life in 8 weeks, I'm breaking lease and Going West.

Here's a picture I took the other day. In case it's too small for you to read, that sign on the right says 'Save a tree... Help your school.' Ahhhh, the irony of modern American life.

Comments

[Christy]

Your prospective landlord called me for a reference yesterday. I told him about your Rwandan child bondage ring and your love of black wall paint. I also - for no extra charge - threw in the story about the flies on the window that you killed using spray adhesive.

[Gary]

I have a friend who was a flight attendant. She could probably give you the lowdown on that if you wanted, unless that was a joke.

[Tim]

Blacksmithing, eh? Cool. Now whenever someone asks "Any of you boys happen to be a smithy or otherwise versed in the metallurgical arts?" you can proudly say "Me!".

[messiestobjects]

Christy thank you so much; I knew I could count on you.

I was only half kidding about the flight attendant thing... it's a back-up plan

[messiestobjects]

Tim! Long time no see! How's the oil drilling going?

[Tim]

It sucks, so I quit. It pays amazingly well but it's also incredibly hard.

Um, I'm a suck...

I'm doing some consulting right now and doing alright.

[messiestobjects]

Sweet..."consulting", heh. That's a good gig. I need me some of that mojo.

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

I can't stand to fly. Just reading the flight attendent reference induced a dizzy spell. My husband's company sends him on pleasure trips. Ones that I am supposed to attend. But they involve planes and hot, tropical regions, both of which I avoid like the plague. I've been south - Jamaica, Bahamas, Mexico - and no thank you. Europe is just about the only place I will fly only because it's worth the anxiety. I must end this topic now...the room is spinning.

I can understand the Rowandan child bondage ring, but, Michael, black walls? Really? That's just uncalled for. You should be ashamed of yourself.

[messiestobjects]

What can I say? Christy knows all my darkest secrets.

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

Well, for the sake of your public image, I'd ask her to keep them behind closed doors. I mean, to think you had flies on a window makes me shudder. Flies, Michael? On a window, at that? Jeeeesh.

[messiestobjects]

I've tried to silence her in the past, I really have, but that just makes things worse... so I shrug my shoulders and hope that people think she's only joking. Especially about the Rwandan child bondage ring. That is totally a joke, heh heh. Seriously, I never.

But the flies on the window thing... well, there were a lot of them, what can I say? They were driving us nuts, and we had no Raid, but I did happen to have a can of 3M spray adhesive handy, and it DID kill them... it's just that nobody wanted to clean them up, so they stuck to our window like Country Window Ornaments for about a month. We managed to not think about it too much by pulling down the window shade and covering them up, but Christy finally went mad and scraped them off... I knew I could outlast her in the dead fly scraping department, you see.

[Christy]

I keep telling you Mike - they were never scraped off. Those flies stuck to the window until we moved out. The window shade in the hall at the base of the stairs was permanently drawn after that. As luck would have it I am sure the landlord didn't notice the flies since the rest of the apartment was trashed. Especially my room courtesy of bunny. Bunny never understood certain things - like not to eat all the wood molding.

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

Poor, misunderstood bunny.

[messiestobjects]

I'm sure we must have cleaned them off at some point. I could swear we did. I wasn't around for the bunny, but as I understood from Scott, it pretty much ate the whole house after you left...

[Kris]

next time try hair spray. it's not as sticky as spray adhesive. flies come right up.

[Gary]

at least he wasn't smearing his boogers on the window... "a marvel to be seen... dysentery green..." as the song goes...

[Christy]

You're all mixed up. Bunny never made it to Saylorsburg - that's where we lived when Scott and I broke up. Bunny lived with us on Second Street. I can assure you - the flies were on the window until the day we moved out of that apartment. Who the fuck is going to clean frozen in time flies?

[messiestobjects]

I didn't mean that the bunny went to Saylorsburg... I think that what Scott told me was that the bunny continued to live alone on 2nd street for a few days or a week after you guys had moved out, devouring Carl's old room and moving on from there. The bunny that ate the Stroudsburg ghetto.

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

Hairspray, eh? I once tried to take down a nest of hornets with a spray bottle of windex. When I read about the spray adhesive, my ears pricked and I scratched a mental note for future encounters because I never, ever, ever have anything in this house that I might need for every day use. My neglect to remember such items at the store forces me into comprimising states of improvisation.

[Miss Luongo]

"...it's just that nobody wanted to clean them up..."

Michael, when you spray adhesive on flies the burden of cleaning them off the window is on you. You clog the toilet, you plunge it, brother.

[messiestobjects]

Yeah but, if I do all the hard work of killing all the flies, I shouldn't have to be the one to clean them up, right? Anyway, the real problem was that it was really stong industrial strength adhesive... I'd gotten it from my work at the prosthetics office. Cleaning it up would have required industrial grade solvent and a tolerance for icky spread-about fly guts that no one was equipped with at the time.

Saranne: After extensive personal experience, I can't condone the use of spray adhesive for killing insects. Make another mental note to just pick up Raid the next time you're out. Trust me.

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

Hmmmm. Raid. Now there's a concept. It almost makes sense. It just might work. Once again, McSmartypants to the rescue.

[Miss Luongo]

If there's one thing you learn growing up Luongo, it's to dispose of the bodies or the job's not done.

[messiestobjects]

That's good advice. Next time, I'll call you to help do the corpse scraping. Because you're so experienced.

[Miss Luongo]

If you need help after the fact, call The Wolf.

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

Do you do rodent carcass removal, Julie? I have on in my kitchen wall.

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

No, no. It's not on my wall. It's in my wall. I meant, I have one in my kitchen wall.

[Miss Luongo]

When a Luongo does a job, it gets done right. We don't come cheap, but when it's over, that carcass isn't just gone, it never was. Capisce?

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

I'm clear. And a little uncomfortable.

[jessica]

I too want to be a flight attendant. but i dont wanna work, i just wanna hang out and smoke. working is over rated as is property ownership.

[Volguus]

LOL, I was going to mention as well about disposing of the bodies. Oh, and for the record, I may be a batch poster but don't blame me, blame my phone. I read this blog on my cellphone very regular-like, but I can't comment because of some scripting error (only AFTER I hit "Post," of course, scuttling 3 paragraphs typed on a phone keypad). Then when I finally get back to the laptop I'm distracted by cyberporn and forget about the blogs.

+1, as the kids say, on the flight attendant thing. Your uncoiffed pate should guarantee an extra-smooth path for the cosmic rays. I will keep my fingers crossed that you become elastic and/or invisible, which could be handy, rather than orange and rocky, which would be less so. Don't even get me started on the inappropriateness potential of spontaneous combustibility... although I suppose it's still better than somehow mutating into a little robot named Herbie.

[messiestobjects]

That Herbie was an abomination, and only existed in early 1970's kid cartoonage! Don't you guys have a job in Romania for me yet?

Spank, flight attendants don't work hard, at least... unless there's like a terrorist or a sick baby or something.

[Christy]

Sick babies are terrorists.

[Volguus]

Yeah, and the fully healthy ones with all their energy and curiosity intact are no picnic either!

A job in Romania? Oh crap, I'm probably supposed to have one of those too, aren't I?

[messiestobjects]

Babies must be stopped... no more messing around, it's time to go Children of Men on their asses.

[Miss Luongo]

Once I watched a very old man have a panic attack on a plane. The flight attendants were trying to be gentle b/c he was so brittle looking. But he was bellowing and flailing.

There are so many horrors on the sky. The drunk guy who keeps making the same loud jokes. The bossy boots who needs more blankets. Vomiting, wailing, complaining, demanding, yelling, sneezing, coughing, angry, obnoxious, annoying tourists, business people, children. Sick people and mile-high clubbers creating long bathroom lines. Luggage falling on people's heads. Spills. Excrement. Garbage. Call buttons.

But, for real, that would be a fun job, right? The travel opportunities would be great!

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

No. Again, I am that old man having the panic attack on the plane. For real, enough with the plane talk. I feel an attack coming on as I type.

You baby-less creatures are jealous of all the screaming, puking, pooping and needless bouncing around the house with which we baby owners are blessed. And your sick with jealousy over the smell of our hair, the film across our teeth and the looks of our three-day-old clothing that doubles as pajamas.

[jessica]

where are you mike?? sara needs you at julies

[jessica]

when i had kids i didnt brush my teeth for a year...im guessing that is why i am missing a few

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

MO, hurry. I got myself into a little pinch over at Jules'. Tell Gary you called me Yoda. Tell him. Do it! NOW. I'm in a panic.

[jessica]

she is lying she totally picked a fight she knew she would win and he is all chapped...she is trying to throw you under the bus...also she is trying to involve you in an internet nascar schemem

[messiestobjects]

Gary, I totally called Saranne Yoda. You can even go to her page to see where I did.

Not that that has anything to do with anything. Those girls have allowed Heather to get to them, and it's a madhouse over there... I highly suggest staying away until they run out of estrogen.

[Gary]

Yeah I read it. I read the comments on this 5 pronged chat room they've got going.

There's some kind of post about me on all of their blogs (and spank is on the phone talking about me). They're all so in lust with me it's incredible. I'm all they could think about for half the day today. If only I were single and found any of them attractive! HA! ;)

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

OMG! Gary you just made me laugh out loud for the first time ever. 5 pronged.... LOL.

[Jim]

Does that qualify as a gaggle?
...I hear cackling

[jessica]

i actually have a website dedicated to my lust for gary.

www.mesohorneyforgary.com

i am glad i came clean with that

[Gary]

hehehe she came clean with that.

[spank]

yer hilarious

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

Came clean! Oh, Gair, you are too much.

[SaranneFosselmanMiller]

This blog feels like when Julie goes out of town......feels...like...when....And to think I sat down to work on a manuscript.