So God Jr. was recently struck by lightning. Jesus H.
Christ. If you haven’t heard about it, the article is here. This is a very
important event in world history, in the history of philosophy, and of religion.
You may scoff, but I believe that future scholars will refer to the burning of
fiberglass Jesus as a major turning point in the mental evolution of mankind.
Here’s why: It disproves everything that Christians hold dear, no matter
how you look at it. And before the outrage takes hold of you, if you’re a Christian,
I will allow that it only disproves everything that fundamentalist Christians
hold dear, and not necessarily the other, more middle of the road Christians.
And my argument for this case is thus:
God is sick of hearing about Jesus already. If you believe that everything is controlled by God, and things such as Hurricane Katrina are a sign that God hates Fags, then the striking of a statue of Jesus by lightning is the clearest sign you can get that God hates Jesus. Don’t like that conclusion? Well try this one:
2) There is no God, or God doesn’t talk to you. Why would a God who exists send such a confusing message? If you believe that God is in charge of everything, and sends messages via lighting, hurricanes, tornadoes and earthquakes, why would he confuse his followers in such a crucial time in history? Well, he didn’t. Lightning strikes, i.e. Acts of God, are random and purposeless in nature. At the very least, if this doesn’t prove that there is no God to you, it should prove that he takes no hand in things and lets the chips fall where they may. Therefore, fags, dikes, and liberals are not to blame for Katrina. But wait, you still believe he sends you messages through, not random acts of kindness but of destructive nature? Idiot. Well, here’s really the only possible message:
God doesn’t like your rhetoric. If you insist on believing in a God who controls everything, then this can only mean that He hates your ugly religion, and is accusing you of worshiping false idols. Stop pretending to know what he wants of you already. Perhaps instead of trying to browbeat the world with Jesus, you should just try and be a good person. Live and let live. So he struck down your false idol, i.e. your false image of who and what Jesus was, in order to get you to consider the falseness of your damned religion.
Whichever way it goes, it’s a sure sign that the Universe is not what you think.