Cigarette Noir

One of my favorite writers once wrote, and I'm paraphrasing because I don't have the book with me and my photomemory skills suck, "You can do anything you want. Do what you have to do, BUT you must be willing to pay the price. Too much of the evil in the world is caused by people who are not willing to pay the price." 
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that I did something very wrong tonight, but I wanted to do it, and before I did it, I convinced myself that I would pay the price... it's never easy, paying. I went on a day trip to Mont St. Michel, which has a neat little aside: Way back, when I first went to Germany and bought my first car there (around February of '98, maybe...) I bought a European road atlas, because I had all these big plans to drive all over the place. I did pretty good, actually; I went on several roadtrips. But anyway, on the cover of the Atlas was this picture of this awesome lookng place, which I knew I had to see... but the Atlas didn't say where the picture was from! I asked a number of people if they knew what the picture was, but nobody could tell me, which is actually sort of pathetic, because as it turns out it's a famous place in Europe, a Unesco World Heritage site. But I got discouraged after awhile, and just carried the Atlas around in my car for 3 years (3 different cars, actually) hoping someone would comment on it eventually... no one ever did and I put it out of my mind... so much so that it's a good possibility that a few years later I may have inadvertently heard what it actually was, and it didn't register in my tiny little brain! I say that because, when I saw a picture of it the other morning in the lobby of the hotel I'm staying at, I instantly knew that it was, in fact, in France... Northern France, in Normandy; Mont St. Michel. Ahhhh.
So that's not the very wrong thing that I did tonight, in case you were wondering. That came later. But I went to Mont St. Michel's and it was awesome! It was so cool, seeing that picture that I had in the back of my mind for so long in real life, finally! And I got some of my own pictures, I might add... I felt like I had to tip the sheep for being so obliging in one of the photos... good stuff. It was rather a sublime day.
I got back to Paris around 7:30pm... took the Metro back to the Pigalle area where I'm staying. And for those of you who know about the Pigalle, I know you're thinking that you already know what it is I did, but you're wrong.
As I was walking home, I passed Le Chat Noir, The Black Cat, which is a piano bar in Montmartre. I think it's famous... I've seen pictures of that black cat on postcards all over the place here. Anyway there were a couple of guys in there playing music; One on guitar and one on violin. I immediately thought of Django Reinhardt & Stephanie Grappelli, so I went in to see... they were doing Django Reinhardt & Stephanie Grappelli stuff. Awesome! I love jazz violin, it's so rare. So I sat down and had a beer. I was in such a good mood. A day at Mont St. Michel, a beer, and guitar & violin Jazz... I was so relaxed, I did the bad thing. I bummed a cigarette from a total French stranger and smoked it. It was sooooooooo good. Probably the best one I ever smoked.
I quit smoking at the end of February this year, and I've been really proud of myself for not smoking for 8 & 1/2 months. Your sense of smell returns, taste, clean clothes, clean teeth, and it's amazing that you didn't notice all that stuff before when you were a dirty dirty smoker.
So maybe you're wondering what, exactly, is the price I have to pay for smoking that cigarette? It's not in becoming a dirty dirty smoker again.... that would be easy, too easy, because smoking can be soooooooooo good! No, the price is that I can only allow myself that one, because I was in Paris, in a good mood, with violin & guitar jazz and a beer, and I allowed myself the pure enjoyment of it, with the price that I couldn't give in to the easy decision of having a 2nd, incredibly good, cigarette.
That's actually the reason I'm writing this.... to forget about the urge to go have another one. It's early, the jazz will go on for a few more hours, but I'm in my hotel room typing, not listening to violin jazz any more, because I'm paying the price I made myself pay.
Do whatever you want. Whatever you need to do. But accept the price, and pay it. If you can't pay, then don't buy. Hard stuff, but good.

Comments

[John Mehorter]

Was the writer C.S. Lewis?

Will you be around Thanksgiving time?

Great blog, btw..

"There will be two kinds of people in the end: Those that will say to God 'Thy will be done' and those to whom God will say 'Thy will be done.'" C.S. Lewis

[messiestobjects]

No... but not a bad stab! I'll give another hint though... it's from a book written in the same genre that C.S. Lewis is most famous for...

[John Mehorter]

Well, that just has to be Tolkien.

[messiestobjects]

Nope! Keep in mind, it's a very large field, and as I said before, I'm fairly certain that no one will get it except perhaps Katie...

[John Mehorter]

I see that I'll have to think hard on this one...
I want those 1000 points!
This may take some time... i'll be back.