While my brother is away at school, I've been temporarily occupying his room in my Dad's house until I figure out where to go next. After I get back from Thailand I'll have to seriously start thinking about that.
Anyway my point is that on my brother's bookshelf is 'The Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren and the entire 12 book series of 'Left Behind' by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. This constitutes some of the scariest pop right-wing christian fundamentalist lieterature (misspelling intended) out there. I worry about my brother. I'd recently read a very good article about the series, and Revelation end-of-times thinking in general, by Joe Bageant, who I was turned on to by Heather and Miss Luongo... those ladies are always finding good stuff out there. But I was thinking about it, and I realized that I've never actually read any of those books, and we Godless perverts are always making fun of doltish fundie preachers who declaim against Evolution without ever really having actually read Charles Darwin's book, or tried to understand the theory in any useful way. One should always know what one is up against. While I have read the Bible, I've been out of the loop on the latest developments in advanced Christian thought, SO, I decided to start with what I consider the easier of the two, the 12 book fictitious series about Tim LaHaye's vision of a post-rapture world. Tim LaHaye is by the way, let me just say, a total freak, dude. Click on this super-scary picture of him
shooting laser beams of evil out of his eyes to be led to his website where you will find a most entertaining intro before going to his main page, where you will find his very own voodoo version of that Myers-Briggs personality theory that Miss Luongo is so fond of, as well as vague descriptions of himself and all the books, ministries, and projects he's involved in, with links taking you to where you can buy his stuff, but nothing too personal, I'm afraid. He's got some nice jewelry, though, huh?
Anyway, I'm almost halfway through the third book, but let me tell you that before the end of the first chapter of the first book I decided that I could easily devote a whole new blog to the reading of the series on which I post something every time I came across a statement that was either grossly mis-informed, ignorant, fallacious, or just plain made me laugh at it's own tunnel-vision certitude that it knew the truth based on no facts whatsoever. I realized by the third chapter that I would need a month for each book if I actually tried doing that, and I really want to get through them and be done with it. But, having made the claim, I will attempt to at least illustrate my point just a bit, here. Here's a quote right off of book 1 page 1, which may seem rather minor, but it illustrates something about the fundie mind which I feel is important to understand:
"God was OK with Rayford Steele. Rayford even enjoyed church occasionally. But since Irene [Rayford Steele's wife] had hooked up with a smaller congregation and was into weekly Bible studies and church every Sunday, Rayford had become uncomfortable. Hers was not a church where people gave you the benefit of the doubt, assumed the best about you, and let you be. People there had actually asked him, to his face, what God was doing in his life."
This is minor, but it is the first of many rather disingenuous statements made by non-Christians about Christians throughout the series so far. Rayford is surprised that fundamentalist Christians, after a sermon on sunday at a fundamentalist church, actually want to talk to him about God? Heaven forfend! That is so crazy that fundies, like, take their beliefs so seriously! In the Left Behind books, Non-Christians are constantly surprised by the honesty, forthrightness and vigor of a Christian's beliefs, excepting only those who are merrily skipping down the path to the Antichrist's side. Reading these books has made me remember my own thought processes when I was a younger church-going Christian myself. Christians, despite being the largest most powerful religious group in America, tend to feel persecuted and not listened to. For no apparent reason. It's as though they think that the only non-Christian, if you're not a direct servant of Satan, is one who has simply not thought it all through, or doesn't understand the horrors that will befall unbelievers when a vengeful bloody Jesus (long gone is the messiah of love) returns after the rapture. They can't conceive of someone who has read about and understood their religion, and despite being a good person, has decided it was all a load of crap. They think we don't understand what they have found to be the truth in their lives, that we are simply misguided. I would like to bet a LOT of money on the fact that at least %90 of fundamental religious types call themselves believers only because the idea of an MC 900 foot Jesus coming to rip their guts out if they don't become Born Again has scared the living shit out of them. (Or eternity in Hell, yadda yadda. It's all the same idea.) That and/or for the other self-evident reason that these books have reminded me of: Rapture and Tribulation are the ultimate infantile vengeance fantasy. Anybody ever get this taunt on the playground? "My daddy/big brother/whomever can beat up your daddy/big brother/whomever/you!" We all so desperately want to be right, on the winning side, the side that gets cookies for good behaviour. (Not that it means anything, but the authors of the Left Behind books have this weird fascination with cookies. Cookies seem to be around at some of the more touching moments a little too often. Cookies, and Robert Redford. The Antichrist is described in some seriously homoerotic terms more than once by different characters as a more dashing, sexier Robert Redford.) No one wants to be on the losing side of an argument. And these guys have found the biggest daddy and the most horrible retribution ever with which to side with, and are looking forward to the day when everyone who disagrees with them will get what's coming to 'em.
This, make no mistake 'O ye who seek only spiritual comfort, is a religion of fear. It is not based on truth, or righteousness, or most importantly, love. They want to scare the hell out of you, literally, so that you will join their cause, give them money, and spread the fright to others. I'm not saying they don't believe their own crap; I'm sure they do. But they do not believe in Good. Another quote:
"Would it fade, her preoccupation with the end of the world, with the love of Jesus, with the salvation of souls? Lately she had been reading everything she could get her hands on about the rapture of the church. "Can you imagine, Rafe," she exulted, "Jesus coming back to get us before we die?"
"Yeah boy," he said peeking over the top of his newspaper, "that would kill me."
She was not amused. "If I didn't know what would happen to me," she said, "I wouldn't be glib about it."
"I do know what would happen to me," he insisted, "I'd be dead, gone, finis. But you of course would fly right up to heaven."
He hadn't meant to offend her, he was just having fun. When she turned away he rose and pursued her. He spun her around and tried to kiss her, but she was cold. "Come on, Irene," he said. "Tell me thousands would just keel over if they saw Jesus coming back for all the good people."
She had pulled away in tears. "I've told you and told you. Saved people aren't good people, they're--"
"Just forgiven, yeah I know," he said, feeling rejected and vulnerable in his own living room. He returned to his chair and his paper. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm happy for you that you can feel so cocksure."
"I only believe what the Bible says," Irene said.
Notice that LaHaye's idea of a perfect Christian (Irene and others like her throughout the world are raptured right off the bat) is one who became a heartfelt born again believer over her obsession with rapture lieterature? (Again, misspelling intentional.) And of course the other important point, saved people aren't good people, they're just forgiven. i.e., they picked the winning side. Of course there's more to that dogma than just that, they believe in living good lives as well; Jesus demands more than just lip service. But their idea of good lives and, well, good-people-not-saved-people's ideas of what is right and wrong are very different. The unfortunate side-effect of believing in a world gone to hell and a Saviour who is going to come and trash the place anyway, is that the world is no longer worth saving; the only worthy cause is trying to convert people they like and condemning to a very scary end those they disagree with, even trying to keep an eye out for the Antichrist. (Henry Kissinger? Ted Kennedy? Barack Obama? Any liberal gay Jew that happens by?) Forget trying to save the environment, ending the war in Iraq, or approving of stem-cell research (which hurts no one, least of all the dead-end biological goo it comes from!) to help people, or a hundred other issues which, if the fundamental right had any concern for them, they could help to do a world of good. They look forward to the end of the world, and indeed, applaud anything that looks like it might bring the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse closer. Sign up for 'ol Tim "laser-eye" LaHaye's newsletter for timely messages on current events related to Biblical prophecy. He might as well gleefully rub his hands and echo one of our President's most foolish comments; "Bring them on!"
I will end this by saying that there are certain things in the Bible that I believe to be true; even certain things in Revelations. Not simply because they are in the Bible, but because they are truths which are self evident to anybody who looks for such truths. Jesus' message of love and compassion, for example. But we are talking about end-time stuff here, and so something out of Revelations which I believe is that there will be many false prophets... can you guess who's at the top of my false prophet list?
Naw, naw, you got it all wrong. Tim may have the best BLING going, but for real laser beams, you have to try Jack and Rexella Van Impe. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-f3aRnkgOWs
http://www.jvim.com
Posted by: Heather | Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 17:23
No way... sorry dude, Jack may be a nutjob, but he looks more like a more dashing, sexier Jerry Falwell. I mean seriously, checkout the malevolent glare comin' outta Tim's orbs there!
Posted by: messiestobjects | Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 17:35
I read Dianetics when I was 17 and it sounded really cool. I probably shouldn't pollute my mind any further by reading what you're reading. Not that I'd believe it, but it sounds like it would cut into my sittin' around time. Thanks for the general gist though. I'll stick to The Dune series when I want messiahs and mayhem.
Anyway - lets all hope the rapture happens soon. After the mess gets cleaned up traffic on 209 and 611 during the weekend will probably be MUCH better. I'll actually be able to go to The Crossings without wanting to die. Or not.
Posted by: Gary | Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 21:59
Actually, I was kinda hoping that the lord would take The Crossings with him...
Posted by: messiestobjects | Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 23:26
Christy turned me on to Joe Bageant. She gets credit. And now I would like a cookie for righting that wrong. A cookie and Robert Redford. But a more handsome Redford to eat cookies with. Hook it up, or I won't believe anymore.
Posted by: Miss Luongo | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 01:01
That's Hippocrates' four humours that that dude is charging you to determine. We really should bring them back to the medical field. Low on phlegm, borrow some from a friend. Black bile? Go to the store, pick some up. Blood, you know what to do. That's right. Eat mosquitos. You'll be right as rain and ready for the rapture.
Posted by: Miss Luongo | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 01:15
D'oh! My apologies to Christy. But how was I to know? She never puts stuff like that on DK, does she? Anyway, she stole my photos and put them all over MySpace, so, we're even.
And, ew, gross.
Posted by: messiestobjects | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 02:13
Yeah, dude. Today's Robert Redford is aging about as well as Brad Pitt. Yick.
Posted by: Heather | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 04:46
Also, no one ever say "dashing", "sexy" and "Jerry Falwell" in the same sentence ever again.
Posted by: Heather | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 04:49
My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!
Posted by: secret rapture | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 09:45
Mike - I responded to the "stealing" of your photos via e-mail.. I didn't say anything about the Joe Bageant thing or the pictures because honestly that's petty bullshit, the point is you read the article and liked it and some people that I like on MySpace saw a chronical of our trip before my film photos were developed. Additionally, anyone that gave me personal kudos on the photography was informed that I did not personally take the photos. If you take down the pictures of me on your smugmug, I will link to your site? Fair??
Rah.
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:03
I hope this video goes through - I'm not sure what the status of posting HTML is on this site... In this fanatical religious vein I thought that you might appreciate a bulletin that I posted yesterday - I've already sent it to Julie because she's the one that forwarded me the video (credit, credit, credit):
">http://vid32.photobucket.com/albums/d19/klopfensteinc/01-11-07-700CLub-popdecline.flv">A friend of mine forwarded this video to me - it's Pat Robertson's take on population decline. Essentially he's saying only people of faith are able to bear children. This is a response that I e-mailed to him - actually I submitted the question to Ask Pat! - if I'm lucky enough maybe he'll read my letter on TV!!! Note: I had to actually submit multiple Ask Pat!s - his box limits the amount of text you can enter. Incidentally I think he should allow more - the categories are kinda heavy..
Dear Pat:
I've just recently become aware of your views on population decline, I'm intrigued.. I've generally associated the phenomenon of hyperactive uterus with under utilized brain - but really, who am I to speculate?
In order to test your theory that there is a correlation between faith and fertility I would like to use the scientific method. I am against reproduction, but to solve the riddle I'm willing to offer myself as test uterus #1.
I am sure you're aware that there is a much higher incidence of babies born with Downs Syndrome to women 35 and older (I know you probably think that link is weak - it is probably due to sin now isn't it?) - anyway - upon turning 35 I will take the following actions:
1. Drink as heavily as I can without killing myself or rendering myself infertile.
2. Have lots of unprotected sex.
3. Determine if I am pregnant. If I am pregnant during the second trimester I will have the blood test to determine the Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) level in my blood. If it is high that means it is very likely that I will have a baby with Downs Syndrome.
4. If the baby is normal I will have an abortion. If the baby is likely Downs I will carry it to term.
5. I will repeat this cycle until I have at least 8 children with Downs Syndrome.
I will raise them in an environment you consider ethical and religious. Since they will be (to varying degrees) mentally impaired getting them to swallow your brand of religion should be a no brainer.
Here's the tricky part morally - I will have to allow and encourage them to reproduce (to test if they are more likely than the average population to conceive). Allowing them to bear children could have ethical implications - but I'm sure that's never stopped you. I'm positive we'll find a way around it.
Notes:
-I will encourage fellow female friends to participate. I know a group of eight hardly provides an airtight answer either way.
-I know you're thinking - "This won't work since she's not a believer she won't be able to conceive." - don't worry - I must be an anomaly. I once became impregnated. As the zygote grew I became nauseated with the human cancer that grew inside. I got one of those nifty aborto pills and righted the situation. Looking back I really wish I'd had it tested first - I could have gotten a bit of a head start.
Anyway Pat, let me know what you think. I think this could work!
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:07
I just realized that the actual video did not go through - here's a link to it.
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:08
Ok your pictures are off... although I'm sad I really liked that one of you in the smokey landfill area.
Don't make fun of me about the credit thing! It's important, you know? Anyway I wasn't that worried about it with you, and the Joe Bageant thing... it's just nice to say who turned you on to stuff. I think the kids are calling it 'props, yo' these days.
Thanks for the link! We all wants to see Pat making a freak out of himself.
Posted by: messiestobjects | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:20
I kinda understand - people repost my shit all the time, I am desensitized to it.
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:24
You don't have to remove my pictures unless you want me to link to your blog. I guess you are saying that you'd like me to link to your blog?
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:25
Well, I figured that if you don’t want your face to be linked with DK, I should take your pictures off anyway because people come to my site several times a week after doing searches for DK, and from there it’s easy enough to find you on my smugmug page.
And I think the fact that you are capable of pushing out 8 babies is proof enough that non-believers in God can have babies too... but I think it actually helps Pat's case if they are 8 unnervingly pleasant to be around babies. He'd consider that a punishment from God, not a blessing.
Posted by: messiestobjects | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:42
Yes, tards are always pleasant, aren't they? Will does a magnificent Angry Retard.
Here's your link on my page:
You can go visit it if you want:
Discouragement Kitten!!!!
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:54
This doesn't seem to like displaying images or videos. Buttf*ckers (the asterisks (aka K. Vonnegut's A-Hole) was just for you Mike..)
Love,
Me
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:56
Are you getting revenge on me?
Posted by: messiestobjects | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 11:13
I am not vengeful Mike. I thought I was entertaining you to an extent. Do you like the link on my page!??!! I used your fancy font and everything.
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 11:25
That's what I meant by revenge... Tar and feather me already.
But you're right, Will does in fact do a most excellent... no, FFFanTAstic Angry stumbly wumbly.
Posted by: messiestobjects | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 11:34
Speaking of credit, I got the Pat Robertson thing from Gary's site.
Posted by: Miss Luongo | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 12:32
Gahh! Ok, I give up. I finally understand why Scott thinks I'm a tool for getting so worried about proper props. Internet makes giving credit too convoluted. Damn technology.
Posted by: messiestobjects | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 12:39
Sorry, got sidetracked; Heather, Jerry Falwell is a smashing hunk of burnin' love. That guy can jiggle his boobs with the best exotic dancers out there. Did I say hunk? I meant chunk.
And Secret Rapture: you're a freak dude. Keep it up.
Posted by: messiestobjects | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 12:45
For your viewing pleasure...
Picture Obtained From...
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 12:52
No one disputes that Jack Van Impe or Jerry Falwell can wear a Manssiere. I mean, a Bro. What I am opposed to is the notion that they could be a) dashing, or b) sexy. I'm sure Rexella would disagree. Because her name is R-E-X-E-L-L-A. Rhymes with "hot to trot for Jack Van Impe". That minx.
Posted by: Heather | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 14:52
"D'oh! My apologies to Christy. But how was I to know? She never puts stuff like that on DK, does she? Anyway, she stole my photos and put them all over MySpace, so, we're even.
And, ew, gross."
While we're on this Mike - I hardly think the DK page constitutes the entirety of my interest base. Having known me for 10+ years I'd think you'd know that.
Posted by: Christy | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 15:10
Tools are useful.
Posted by: Miss Luongo | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 15:12
You go Falwell, it's yer birthday! You go Falwell, it's yer birthday!
No, I know you do other stuff, but it's hard to keep up with what all crazy surfin' you internet vixens get up to all the time... I seem to be having enough trouble just trying to keep up with my own page, today...
Posted by: messiestobjects | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 16:02
Lookit you, surrounded by angry vixens! Awww... Too bad! "You. Go tell your man-leader that the woman-leaders are angry. Tell him placate them with chocolates and absinthe. Otherwise, no more peace, war for many moons." If you let the credit thing go, you'll be just like the rest of us who realize the internet was created for the sole purpose of fostering plaigiarism. So join us. Bring your Manssiere and we'll have a ritual. At the end, bongos and doughnuts!
Posted by: Heather | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 16:36
yeah the crossing sucks but they do have nice Timberland and Vans stores - and I need those to live properly. Good shoes and plenty of fiber I always say...
anyway - no credit needed when it's not really my stuff (of which there is little). The internet is chock full of copyright infringement, but most of the time I guess no one cares unless you're making money off of it. The Pat thing I got from some place else, I think alt.atheism or alt.slack - don't remember.
For example - I posted the video of the decomposing pig (my new band) after I saw it on heather's blog (which she saw on another blog. She gave credit but I say screw that! I'm not giving her credit for a YouTube video. I try not to give her credit for anything, her head's too big already. :)
btw - check out the latest video on my site of cars sliding around on ice in portland. Got that at the S-K forum but I'm not give them credit (or the fan that posted it) either until they get back together.
Posted by: Gary | Friday, January 19, 2007 at 20:28
Yeah I saw that... I was going to comment and say how awesome it was, but for some reason I can't comment on your site anymore... I think that my password expired or something.
Just so you all know though: My photos may not be professional, and I'll never make any money off of them, but I am very proud of some of them and it's my achilles heel, apparently, to get very defensive about them. Some would say overly-possessive and possibly retarded, but hey, at least I'm not out there making retarded baby farms...
Posted by: messiestobjects | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 01:10
Your photos ARE your retarded baby farm. Don't you see?
Posted by: Heather | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 01:50
I've been talking about those sliding cars all night! Crazy. When I watched it I was making up stories in my head about what the passengers were thinking. Dug it.
Posted by: Miss Luongo | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 01:51
The Vans store is no longer...
What's wrong with retarded baby farms for science?
Posted by: Christy | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 12:47
Oh, nothing, I'm just grasping at straws in order to validate myself. I'm a tool that way.
Posted by: messiestobjects | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 13:15
HEY! My head's no bigger than a standard-issue retarded baby. Now take it back.
Posted by: Heather | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 13:28
Your head IS your retarded baby farm. Don't you see?
Posted by: messiestobjects | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 13:32
The Vans store is gone? WTF?? How can be a rejuvinile without them? Those sneakers are damn comfortable.
Did you guys know Heather invented the internet with Al Gore? So she sort of gets credit for everything on it already.
Posted by: Gary | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 14:36
hey can we get a chat room?
Posted by: Gary | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 14:36
Yes, apparently we need one. Hey Gary, notice anything new here?
Posted by: messiestobjects | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 15:04
PRAISE JESUS! I can listen to music again AND come here!
Posted by: Gary | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 17:03
Wrong! Al Gore invented the internet with ME.
Posted by: Heather | Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 19:56
Thank you for leaving my link up. The Secret Rapture soon! Within months, if not years, by my hand, we will be in the post apocalyptic world of 'Jericho' on TV! Stay tuned!
Posted by: Secret Rapture | Wednesday, February 07, 2007 at 07:50