An Attempt To Remain Valid In This Confusing Young People's World

Good morning, everyone. I'm feeling quite perky on this fine winter day... Because there's snow on the ground here in Allentown! First time I've seen that in quite a while. Don't get me wrong; Thailand and Cambodia and all that tropical junk was nice and all, but thank god that whole holiday madness is over. Sure is good to be back in PA, yessiree. Now I can... um... figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Hmm... anybody want to start a betting pool on how long it'll be before I high-tail it the hell out of here for another exotic travel destination? I did receive an email a week or two ago from an old friend I knew while working in Germany whom I hadn't heard from in years, and he's living in Buenos Aires! I haven't done South America yet...

Ah well, best not think about it for now. I have myriad other issues I have to deal with for the moment, before I start getting all itchy footed again. Actually, this time it was much easier coming back. It was kind of, that first time I came back in December after being gone for years and years was like jumping into an iceberg infested Alaskan bay in February. Very chilly and prone to cause the shakes and various other health problems. So I hopped out right quick, and then came back for a second dip only this time my body was ready for the shock.

I slept without my eyeshields for the first time last night, because I was too exhausted from the 22 hour plane travel to bother getting up to tape them on. My eyes seem fine this morning, so I think I'm done with those. Hip hip, hooray.

Maybe some of you have noticed an interesting new technique I'm using in this post. The ADD kids these days call them linebreaks. They are apparently becoming the in way to write, because something about short attention spans, lazy eyes, and something something something has dictated that if you don't use them, people don't understand what you're saying. Reading line after line after line, with no spaces in between them, is becoming one of those old-fashioned quirks that will separate the stylish young up-and-comers from the old brain-dead farts that can't roll with the changes. So, in order to avoid becoming obsolete, you'll be seeing alot of these, linebreaks, in my posts from now on. For those of you who can hold a thought in your head from paragraph to paragraph without going all Memento, I apologize, but the world belongs to the young, as they say, and if you want to remain relevant, you've got to adapt.

Speaking of Memento, I saw Christopher Nolan's new film The Prestige on the airplane from Tokyo to Chicago yesterday. If you haven't seen it, I don't want to ruin anything for you, but I kind of thought it blew. I mean it was well done, the actors were all great, but I figured out the twist halfway through the movie, and thought to myself, "No, it can't be that simple. There's something else." But nope, it was that simple. The worst part was, at the end when they reveal the depth and convolution of the twist, they do it all dramatic like the end of Sixth Sense, only I was laughing my ass off because it had been so easy to figure out that it made the final moments extremely comical, which I imagine was not the director's intent at all. It's a shame, I really like Christopher Nolan, too.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Now I have to come up with actual topics for my posts again, which is another reason I love travel. Travel makes coming up with subject material extremely easy; this whole coming up with relevant, interesting, or humorous posts while living in an uninspiring locale such as Pennsylvania requires real talent, such as some of my other blogging friends have, and now I have to fear everyone finding out what a fraud I am if I draw a blank. Damn Sword of Damocles.

Comments

[Gary]

December did not count as winter - neither did January. 40+ degree weather does not equal winter. Now since you've been gone we've some serious single digit temps and that is where it's at. I was very unhappy about dec and jan this year. I blame Bush for it.

[Gary]

You let Heather get to you. What about indenting paragraphs? That way you don't have to line break. Don't let her push you around man. I know she's scary. Just remember she won't be around for like another month.

[messiestobjects]

Actually, Miss Luongo sent me a small list of reasons why this newfangled linespacing is so important... Heather brought it up, I commented on it sarcastically, and Miss Luongo was kind of like; well, actually... she's all into that stuff.

[Gary]

It's not nice of the big brainy girls to gang up on you like that.

[messiestobjects]

Well, when you make the mistake of having big brainy girls as friends, it's just part of the downside, you know? They're always trying to tell you what you should be doing, or trying to improve you... come to think of it, all girls do that, but big brainy ones are harder to ignore.

[Miss Luongo]

My big brain is detecting an inconsistency here. Yeah, I'm not trying to improve anyone. But I'll give advice when asked. Oh, sure, I might give detailed, cited, lengthy advice, but it's not unsolicited.

[Gary]

uh oh you're in trouble now...

[messiestobjects]

Well ok, the linespacing thing was kind of unsolicited, you know from Heather. (she's not here to defend herself, but it's all true your honor) And it's not like I'm complaining about your subsequent advice, just, you know, grousing about damn kids these days. I think I was asking you about something, to my knowledge at the time, unrelated, and the linespacing thing was just part of the package. So um... hey guys! Look at the monkey!

[Gary]

ok I really did not need to see monkey bits - thanks for that

[messiestobjects]

No problem; my pleasure.

[Christy]

I found a round trip ticket to Beijing for 604.00.

[messiestobjects]

Sweet! You are so gonna get sold into white slavery in China.

[Christy]

White slavery is delicious.

[messiestobjects]

Well, the Chinaman that gets to eat your ass will certainly think so.

[Volguus]

Linebreaks are not the only insidious newthink being foisted upon our time-tested, Smith-Corona-honed ain't-brokedness. Imagine my shock and horror when I discovered that my favorite online forum was AUTOMATICALLY removing one of the two spaces I put after a period. I swear, it was a real programmed function that someone deliberately wrote for just that purpose. This is one of those things that command far more of my grey matter than they should. I mean, on this forum the spellchecker is elective, that is to say untouched, and as a result I exist with some of the most atrocious illiterate wordcrime imaginable which yet goes unquestioned. But put two spaces after your period and one gets zapped, without so much as a by-your-leave. I wish I could find the responsible cretins and feed them to Miss Bollati, my sophomore year typing teacher. And that's not a metaphor - we're still pretty sure she cooked and ate children. But only if they didn't double-space their sentences. Jeez, I wonder what she'd do to a linebreaker?

Oh crud, I just realized I misspelled "gray." Where's my Wite-Out?

EDIT: I just checked the preview and YOU DO IT HERE TOO!! HELLO? "HYPOCRITE?"

[messiestobjects]

I do no such thing. I deny all allegations. Ok, what are you talking about?

If it's the double-space after a period thing, that's not me, it's Typepad. I have no obligatory formatting that I either am able or wish to control.

If it's the spelling of "gray" you're worried about, take it from my personal experience; don't bother. I too, used to work myself into a frenzy over the question of should it be 'gray' or 'grey'. 'Color' or 'Colour'. 'Reconnoiter' or 'Reconnoitre'. The problem is that one is the popular US english spelling, and the other is the original King's English spelling, and I had an Oxford English dictionary for most of my life... the American spellings therefore look naturally absurd to me on certain words, 'Gray' being a perfect case in point. But, I am an American, and dare I betray our Nation's early misspellings which over our history have turned into an American standard?

The conclusion I came to was, not to worry. They are both correct, and whichever happens to pop out of the pen, or keyboard as the case may be, first, is the one I'm going with.

[Christy]

Do you mean eat my ass in a toss my salad kind of way OR eat my ass in the "Mmm, that rump roast was delicious." way?

[messiestobjects]

I purposefully kept it vague, hoping you'd be more entertained that way, imagining whichever method you'd prefer.