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Monday, February 05, 2007

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Christy

"I outstayed everybody else on the dive (about 15 people) excepting only the dive leader."

This is reminiscent of a second grade child drooling for a gold star sticker.

I have a sheet of them waiting for you.

Heather

Well, we're just glad you felt comfortable enough to share. How's the crapping going? Good?

Gary

Dooood - I pooped so much yesterday it temporarily clogged the toilet. Haven't done that since college. Bran is good sh*t (literally).

messiestobjects

Christy, nice one. You really zinged me gooood. And the peeing my pants thing; that didn't clue you in that I was going for 2nd grade mentality? The point wasn't so much that I beat those people, or was looking for approval, but more how proud of myself I was that I learned to control my breathing so well. That extra 15 minutes under the water makes a huge difference.
And the whole pee thing... it sounded funnier in my head than it does re-reading it this morning. Must not have beer then post. Must not have beer then post.

messiestobjects

And crapping in your wetsuit is a whoooole different ball game. Hopefully, that's something that just won't come up. Ever.

Heather

What you have to do is only give him gold stars when he doesn't pee himself. Otherwise, he'll never learn. Funny, though: "Crapping In My Wetsuit" was a single off my third album.

messiestobjects

No no, see, peeing in your pants = bad. Peeing in your wetsuit = good. You just have to train yourself to make that distinction, otherwise once you've taken your finger out of that particular duck (dike?), you'll just go peeing all over the place. Wetsuit, ok. It's a wetsuit. Pants, still a big no-no. It's a fine line. Very sophisticated mental trick, not for children at all, don't try this at home.

proud papa

You real-ly do-do your parent proud.... oh yeah... this says a lot about how sick your parent is.... good job son!

Christy

I know... I know.. I'm awesome, what can I say. You know I heart you - gold star lust and all.

Even though you tenderly made love to that Rawandan refugee child's rectum - I still hold you in the highest regard. I know we all have to make our decisions in life... I don't judge you.

messiestobjects

Aw shucks thanks dad!
Umm... Christy I have to admit, Good one! Heh heh. It's just a joke everybody! Heh heh! She's such a card, huh? Rawandan pedophilia, heh heh. Move along people, it's not true, nothing to see, heh heh. (Christy we'll be talking later, heh heh) IT'S JUST A JOKE!

Gary

I pee in the ocean all the time. Not getting what the big deal is. I thought the ocean was one big toilet anyway.

Heather

You're like the United Nations of Booty Calls!

messiestobjects

Peeing while wearing full scuba gear is the big deal... I've peed in the ocean before too... but you know, a swimsuit is different. It's much like trying to pee while walking down the street in a business suit. Go ahead, try it. It's actually really hard.

Miss Luongo

I'd try it, but I don't wear business suits.

Christy

I guess you could start wearing Depends and carrying a stop watch everywhere. Make a little chart detailing how long it takes to relax your bladder and release urine and then trend it over time.

Heather

Ooh, yes. Management loves pie charts! Also, PowerPoint presentations. There's all sorts of clip art and sound effects you can throw in nowadays. Get a laser pointer for hitting your main bullet points, such as "Tuesday's Bladder Output" and "Secondary Costs of Effective Restroom Avoidance".

Miss Luongo

I'll do it if I can be featured on CNN all day.

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