What Damn Part Of This Blog Is So Confusing? All You Have To Do Is Read. 1st Graders And Below, And Short Bus Riders Are Exempt

Dr. Chate, the mad Thai eye guy who performed my Lasik operation, was very pleased with his performance. After my post-op exam yesterday, he said I have 20/20, so, sweet. Apparently, and I knew this going in, but it's actually pretty rare to achieve 20/20, especially if you're starting with an astigmatism, which I had. So today, I feel extremely fortunate, and hope that several months down the road, I am able to appreciate it fully. I'm unable to at the moment, except you know, aesthetically, because there are still some side effects that typically do not go away for up to 6 months, and in some cases may not go away at all. For the last 12 days, since the operation, I've had to use a variety of medicated eye drops quite regularly, but I finished the prescriptions up on most of them the other day. I have to keep using the natural tear eyedrops though, because every morning when I wake up, my eyes are as dry as the desert, and so that's uncomfortable. Also, I am still wearing those eyeshields to bed every night, so that I don't unconsciously poke myself in the eye and all that. It's quite a production, taping those things to my face every evening. I've kind of turned it into an art form; see what creative way I can tape the plastic bug eyes on so they don't fall off whilst tossing and turning in my sleep. If anyone had been around to see some of the more amusing configurations... well, I'm just glad nobody was. Anyway, I only have to do that for two more nights, so I'm looking forward to stopping that. But the best side effects are the visuals. At night, lights get this crazy starburst/halo effect. Like you've been swimming in a heavily chlorinated pool for too long. Sometimes you see it during the day, if the lighting condition is right. If it's a really bright day, everything can get rather halo-y, which is disconcerting from time to time. There's a small small chance that the dry eye and internal starburst filter, as Scott likes to call it, will never go away. Which would be a bummer, but I think I could probably get used to it. The fact of the matter is, when it comes down to it, is that I HAVE 20/20!!! Any side effects, since I didn't go blind, are totally worth that. It's hard to explain, but after Lasik, it's like being able to see with glasses, only without the glasses.

Um... I guess it's not that hard to explain.
(That was a line break, right? See, I can use 'em if I want. Look here, I'll do it again.)

But seriously folks, the next time I go scuba diving, I'll really be able to see everything, because you can't dive with glasses. Even just normal swimming, for heaven's sake! The next time I snowboard I don't have to worry about falling and breaking them, or the next time I walk into a warm room from out in the cold (foggy glasses are irritating), no more falling asleep with them on and waking to find you've bent them, no more smudgey spots to clean, (Actually, sometimes I might miss that one. Cleaning your glasses is a great way to pretend to be listening to someone while in fact trying to tune them out. I learned that from watching Buffy, which, hey! I can now watch TV without glasses. Don't know if that actually will make any difference, as I haven't watched any in a very long time, but I don't care. From now on, everything without glasses is cool.) no more unsightly bridge spots on my nose, or frame arm marks on the sides of my head, no more having to choose out a pair of stylish frames that identify me as an individual from the weak-ass selection the optical center has, no more having to strategically place them on my nose so I can see under my chin in the mirror while shaving, because I now have full peripheral vision! Not that that's as cool as I thought it was going to be. I had this notion that the full range of my eyes would be clearly seeable at all times, but no, it doesn't work that way. Still have to look in the direction you're interested in, at the moment. But still, my spectacles' frames are no longer the limiting factor, and that's pretty nice. There is one dream I've had to give up, unfortunately, one thing which Dr. Chate said I could never ever do again, no matter how well my eyes heal. "Michael", he told me 12 days ago, "I'll perform the operation, but there is one thing, one thing that I'm afraid you'll have to give up, because your eyes simply won't be able to take it."
"What is it, Dr.?" I trembled.
"I'm very sorry, but you'll never be able to box again." He shook his head.
(In Darth Vader's voice, upon hearing Padme was dead) "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
So, my career in boxing is finished, and that Tyson exhibition fight cancelled, but I'll live with it. I asked him if it was still ok to hit a guy, and he said oh yeah sure, no problem. Just don't take hits to the face every day. So, whew, right?
So, now that the credits are rolling, I have to give some mad props out to my peeps. Y'all. Specifically, thanks to Scott, for all the advice on places to eat in Bangkok, the play by play of his own Lasik surgery experience, which certainly gave me a heads up on one or two things I otherwise may have been unpleasantly surprised by, and lastly, even though I didn't take him up on it, his helpful map which he drew in great detail for me of all the best hooker bars he discovered through painful legwork. It's the thought that counts, bro.
(Just kidding. He didn't do that. And Steven, if you tease H. about loose Thai women any more, I'm going to hurt you.)
Also, thanks to all the fine people over at Luongoworld for the moral support... Civil Service forms, my ass.
Anyway, see you soon.

Comments

[Gary]

I think I'm like 20/1000 or something. My eyes are so out of focus that lately I feel like they're actually getting better if that makes sense. Like they've come as far out as focus as possible and now are returning or rotating. Kind of like they're so bad it's now good or something like that. Maybe not. I'm blind!!

[messiestobjects]

I highly recommend Lasik. And a trip to Thailand to do it. I'll even be your tour guide, just let me know.

[Gary]

I'll let you know when I hit the lottery. Then it'll be margarita's and lasik all around!

[messiestobjects]

Sweet. Don't worry though, the price is coming down all the time. Actually, I found out from someone I met in Ko Lanta that in California, it's the same price as it cost me here in Thailand, around 2 grand.

[Gary]

I was really thinking of the combined price of flying to Thailand and getting lasik - and bringing the wife and boy (which I'd have to be insane to do - 26 hours on a plane with a 1 year old? WAAAA?) Not to mention the trouble I'd get into trying to bring a pound of thai-stick back with me. Let's just forget the whole thing.

[messiestobjects]

You'll always have California. Much shorter plane ride.

[steven]

I’ve had glasses since I was 14. My vision is not terrible without glasses. But I don’t think I’d ever get Lasik. Why? Because:

1. I just don’t have $4000-$5000 to pay a doctor to run a laser over my eyeballs. I have more important things to spend my money on than that.
2. I think..Wearing glasses sometimes has saved my eyes from God knows how many things getting/flying into them.
3. I do a LOT of reading, as well as other close-up work for hobbies, and from what I understand (correct me if I’m wrong), the current Lasik correction eliminates a little of near vision. (BTW, people who say they see “better than 20/20” because they see at 20/15…doesn’t that just mean that Lasik made them slightly farsighted?!
4. I don’t feel like risking my night vision, which is perfectly fine with glasses.
so....Michael i hope you will be fine in the near future.....
also...Man is Man..sometimes we can not resist it...and i was just giving H some few info about thailand.

[messiestobjects]

1. You can get it done for around $2000 these days... whatever happened about that stolen Dodge Pick-up? And the stuff from the warehouse? Hmmmm?
2. This is a good point. I may have to learn to like sunglasses, after all.
3. Yes this is a possibility, losing some vision, that you may still need corrective reading glasses after. But, you're still better off if you only have to wear reading glasses occasionally. So far, I'm lucky. All my visions, near, far, and night, seem to be fine. 20/20 yo.
4. Stop making her crazy, dammit.

5. Good to see you back here again.

[Gary]

I'm thinking of trying this:

http://www.lasikathome.com

http://www.lasikathome.com/images/four%20easy%20steps.jpg

[messiestobjects]

ummm... I really hope no one falls for this. But if they do, I hope they videotape it.