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Wednesday, April 04, 2007


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I like that video. If I was one of those kids I would have wanted to be one of the demons. I used to want the Empire to win in Star Wars, btw. They had the better music, much like Satan does. When is that song from? My favorite quasi-religious band is King's X - I started listening to them in 1988. I was the first of my friends to figure out that they were singing about Jesus. My friends didn't believe it at first. They're more subtle than most religious bands. Back in the day I knew some metal guys that liked Stryper but they were a little to overt for me. I must admit that Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast has been a favorite since 1982. I remember my best friend's mom had a priest come to their house to talk to him about it because she was freaked out that her son was into that. That album was scary back then. My friend told the father or whatever he was that he was just into the music side of it (we both had just started playing guitar around that time) - but that wasn't entirely true. It was just to get them off his back. We did enjoy the spooky aspect of the lyrics, even though we never took it seriously.

I know what you mean about the mob mentality. At some concerts it was quite amazing to watch/be a part of. I remember Ozzy egging on an entire arena of kids to basically riot and pretty much destroy the place. I remember a Motley Crue show that very much resembled some sort of nazi/satanist rally.

speaking of heavy metal - did you happen to watch that Benny Hinn video I had on my site? That kind of stuff blows my mind. I don't care for the song, but it fits so well. I can't really under what it takes to buy into that sort of thing.


King's X! I remember being really confused by them, because I read in a Christian music magazine that they were a Christian band, but when I'd bought the album, it took a while to figure out exactly how they fit that shell.

I always hated Stryper, although there were alot of other Christian metal bands I liked... Rage of Angels was a classic one. but mostly I was into Christian Death Metal, like Vengeance Rising, or Tourniquet. There was a Christian rock musician who I thought was God for a while named Steve Taylor, and I actually still kind of have alot of respect for him. He was Christ-riding the New Wave/alternative vibe early on, and was actually quite intelligent and witty.

Didn't see no Benny Hinn video... don't know who he is. Link me.


Benny Hinn Video

you probably saw it - or saw the post and didn't watch it.

Christian death metal... that's a new one for me. I didn't know such a thing was possible.


Here's the proof that I'm not crazy... there really was Christian Death.


Holy cow... after posting that link to that Christian death metal video, I followed some linkage to this page which is the blog of the singer from that video who has since then become an acid spewing atheist... it kind of blows my mind, actually, having grown up admiring his Christian music... This guy seems really angry and, um, how do I put this? Unfocused.


P.S. Oh yeah I did see that Benny Hinn video... that was totally awesome, and a very good caricature of what I'm talking about.

That Carmen song from the video I posted is called The Champion and was released in 1987.


Man, I wish I could take you to my church. It's so not anything close to what you describe. But I think of it this way: faith and religion are analogous to love and marriage. The institution (religion/marriage) was created by man in order to preserve its members together when the feeling (faith/love) that inspired it falls away. Because it always does. No honest person feels unceasing love for God in the same way that no honest person feels unceasing love for his spouse. But the lines of the institution draw a boundary inside which we wait patiently for the ebb to flow again. Because it always does. And it's in the waiting and the wondering that faith gets developed. The most surprising thing to me about faith, having arrived at it at a late age, is that no one told me that it gets during and after the times when you have absolutely no sense whatsoever that God is there. But He always is. I remember reading a quote that described leaving God in this way: God is like a bright fire in a fireplace that a man warms himself with, and when the man moves away from the fire, the fire has not grown colder, but the man has. I distinctly remember the day and the hour I quit talking to God. I also remember the day and the hour I started again.


I meant to say, "gets developed during and after" those times.


I feel unceasing love for my spouse.


This post isn't about faith, it's about quacks. Nor am I talking about God per se in this post, merely how I woke up from the brainwash into which you've inexplicably fallen.

Yes yes, your church is "different". Everybody's is. The fact of the matter is, whatever my beliefs are, (and again, this post is not about that) I have come to them through my own firm inner convictions and solid experience. I don't need a group of agreeing, or even argumentative, people around me to help me feel better about them. "God" gave me my brain, not other people's brains.

Not that I don't respect your desire to help me out, of course. But, I know what I know, you know what you know, and that's that.


Besides, what do you have faith in? The Bible? The bible was handed down to us by greedy short-sighted power hungry Catholics. Sorry, I don't trust those people. If you say that modern faith is not based on the Bible, then what is it based on? Who told you that your spiritual awakening was a Jesus thing? A feeling? In that case, faith is not something that you can give out to people. It was a personal experience that you had, and you shouldn't try. If your God wants to show me why I should have faith like he did for you, he will. And that will be my own personal thing.


I can't wait until we're all dead. Then none of this will matter. ;) <-- Happy mischievous smiley.

I almost got sucked into scientology (I think I mentioned this before) when I was 18. But it was too damn expensive. I thought, if this shit is so great, why do you have to pay so much? Shouldn't they be helping people out of the kindness of their hearts? What a better world it would be if everyone were CLEAR! HAHAHAHA. Plus they kept bugging me and I can't take people bugging me a lot. I did go to the celebrity center in NYC though and was in their lair. They had me in their grasp, but I escaped! I was drawn to it because parts of it sounded really good (I never heard about all the weird space alien shit until much later - none of that is in Dianetics) and all of my friends and I really seemed crazy to me and it bummed me out. Actually the world (meaning human society and it's systems) has seemed really wrong to me since as long as I could remember. In my teens it really bummed me out that I had a lot of friends that cared for each other but at the same time they treated themselves and each other like shit. A lot of them just did a lot of self destructive things and other behaviors and thoughts that just seemed not right. And we all knew something was off but what to do about it? We couldn't express our true selves I felt. I knew people who just seemed so crazy but you could tell they were really amazing underneath all the crap that wasn't really them or their potential self or whatever (now I know it's because we all grew up in Jersey HAHAHAHA). Dianetics promised to get rid of all that shit. Of course you'd have to join their cult and give them tons of money. So I didn't join. I wonder if they still have my name in their records.

Miss Luongo

Godless academics know right from wrong. They have philosophy and The Beatles. And the person looking over their shoulder is the superego.


I have no idea how to answer any of that except to say that nowhere in my comment was I addressing you or anything that you should do. If you could point out to me the part where I tell you what to do, I could probably have this conversation. I believe in God because I always have. I've always felt that I was somewhere before this mortal coil and that I'll be somewhere after. Me. Personally. And it had nothing to do with any groups of people. And very late in my life, I realized that there were places where I could discuss love, hope and peace without pissing anyone off. I'm sorry that I ruined your blog with my personal anecdote. Seriously. My bad.


I thought we were all just talking about ourselves. It won't happen again.


this was really hard for me to read, not for the content but because my attention span will not allow any more than 2 ro three short paragraphs.

I appreciate all that michael had to say and i stand by the fact that religion is simply a form of comfort for insecure people. scared because they dont know.

i dont know either, and I guess im just wise enough to realize that there is no way im ever getting my tiny head around the whole concept of what really is, and what we made up, and what got lost in translation over time.

for me i just have to be comfortable not knowing. and accepting that I may never know the answers to the church/god/jesus parting of the sea ...why am i going to hell if i fuck alot of people kinda questions.

I notice that animals are not subject to hell for all their fucking. heheheh


I met God once. I found Him to be forgiving. But this post is clearly not about God.

Religion is corrupt. I'd quote MO but I'm on Spanky's home dinosaur computer that freaks out and shuts down every time I scroll up and down. It only took me three hours to muddle through this, and to think I am trying to post something on my own site. Oh, wait. Not about me. Sorry. Very sorry.

Anywho, right-on about Bible, MO.

I post angry religion-based numbers on my blog and after being berated by Jesus-freaks for days on end, I delete them and pretend I never said anything.

Well, the only other things I have to report would be my own views on spirituality and being an exastentialist (Spank does not have a dictionary and mine is downstairs in my briefcase - lazy). When I get the green light to talk about myself, I will pleasure you. Until then, I will think about other things to say that do not involve scrolling.


Heather, I apologize for being snippy: Of course you can talk about yourself... but the first line that you'd written: "Man, I wish I could take you to my church. It's so not anything close to what you describe. But I think of it this way: faith and religion are analogous to love and marriage." Seemed addressed to me, and so I wanted to make the point, in case I was misunderstood, that the post wasn't about real spirituality so much as it was about the holes in popular Christian doctrine... It's a huge topic and one I tend to get offensive about. I was just trying to keep things on track, and I can be an jerk like that... ask my aunt! Anyway, hope we can all move on...

Julie I know Godless academics know right from wrong... that was sort of implied, I'm a big fan of the superego. Actually the whole Id / Ego / Superego thing is something I also think alot about, and is a good way to look at people as Gary describes his own thoughts... "I knew people who just seemed so crazy but you could tell they were really amazing underneath all the crap that wasn't really them or their potential self or whatever..."

Saranne, go crazy! I didn't mean to imply people couldn't talk about themselves... sorry again Heather! I am a tad touchy, I suppose. I will try to temper that in the future. It's just because I'm bored out of my mind waiting for something to happen here. That whole thing that I said, "I don't need a group of agreeing, or even argumentative, people around me to help me feel better about them. "God" gave me my brain, not other people's brains." was about going to Church, not about people here on my blog. I only meant that churches tend to focus on what they all believe in common, which is why I have no use for it, whereas here on the internet of anarchy, people not only disagree, but learn alot more by doing so...

Miss Luongo

I liked Cartman's Christian rock band the best.

I'm not sure I'll be able to get the image of you punching the air to that horrid Carmen song out of my mind. Good thing it makes me laugh. But it also makes me a little sad. You were so innocent.

Around that time, I was watching Prince do unnatural things to his guitar during the Purple Rain tour. I didn't know what he made spray out of the end of his guitar, but I knew it wasn't supposed to do that. Oh, how innocent I was.


Yes, it's an awful song. But in my defense, it's a low quality YouLube version that you're hearing. It's a little better than that with proper cd sound.

My favotie part is when Jesus can't think of anything original to say, so he quotes Clint Eastwood.


Goody. My license to speak my mind has been reinstated.

Religion is man-made. As is the Bible. Sorry. (said while cringing)

I joined the Catholic Church four years ago (don't ask) and my confirmation classes consisted of me and a nun sitting at a table in the convent once a week. We got to the chapter in my workbook regarding Jesus being our Savior. The nun droned on and on and then asked me my thoughts on the whole issue. She was about 70 years old.

"Jesus was the original bohemian," I began. "He came along in a world that was all ass backwards and stepped outside the box to suggest that maybe we should spread peace, love and understanding rather than all this bullshit that's getting tossed around."

I thought the nun was going to keel over. She grasped at her throat for air. Her eyes bulged and I think that her lips might have turned blue. She said that she would pray for me, but that she could not continue Catholic instruction with me any longer.

I then got shuffled off to a woman church office worker who said there are three types of prayer: one - quiet prayer with ourselves, two - praying silently with the Priest while he is saying his prayer out loud, and three - the prayer that we all chant together in church. She then added that the out loud all together prayer was the most important.

"I pray mostly on my own," I said.

"I struggle with that one," the woman confided. "I never feel like I have anything to say."

Now I think I knew how the nun must have felt with me. A woman who works for the Church and has nothing to say to God?

"How about, thank you?" I suggested.

My special middle child recently detested wearing a uniform to her Catholic school. She stated that it does not make sense that the public school kids get to dress down and the Catholics have to dress up.

"It's backwards, mom," she said.

"What do you mean backwards?" I asked.

"Because we are the ones learning about Jesus," she explained.

As usual, I was clueless. She could tell this and continued to explain herself.

"Shouldn't kids who learn about Jesus dress like him? He didn't wear uniforms. We should be able to wear robes and sandals to school. We should all dress like hippies and have long hair because wasn't Jesus the first hippie that ever lived?"

I assessed my daughter's statement.

"What makes you think that?" I asked her.

"Because He was the one who invented Peace," she answered.

Her older sister began to snicker behind her back and asked, "Do you think He invented the VW van, too?"

"Probably," my middle girl answered and she skipped away.


Jeez lo-weez! That was really long. My apologies to all who are involved.


jesus today

What would republican jesus do?

"Let me tell you, The Grateful Dead may be sinners who think it's cool to be dead, but tonight we here are grateful to be alive in Jesus!!"

I'm not sure if I ever heard any explanation as to why it isn't cool to be dead.


If it's the truth you seek then look no further that God. God is the only truth in the universe.

Unfortunately, there is no God, so.


Long is good. And Jebus totally invented the VW bus. And Birkenstocks. But Republican Jebus invented the Christian cockring.


Jim, this sentence is a lie!

Gary, it's very cool to be dead. Your body temperature drops drastically.

Anyway, I was confused by that statment by Carmen for another reason because even at the time, being a Christian, I was always under the impression that dying would be the best thing ever because that's when Jesus gives you candy. So I kind of felt Carmen was being a bit of a hypocrite, even then.


Well that's what I meant. The afterlife is supposed to be really bitchen' so why isn't it cool to be dead (other than for the air conditioning)?

Jessica formerly known as spanky



I dont know jesus and I dont know GOD, but given the events in my 31 years of life I can only assume they dont like me alot or they have the same sense of humor I have.
Churches have the same affect on me as Lifetime for Women movies have on me. I dont wanna watch or get involved.
and it is the people. I am annoyed with the people that go there..maybe not all of them but alot of them are not good people. maybe trying to be better i dont know...but everytime i am involved in a church situation my skin crawls.
I went with a friend of mine once to a "new" church that was held in a highschool because they didnt have an actual church and she said it was really cool and so i gave it a try. mostly to appease her. so the preacher dude is talking about some bible story about goat/child sacrifice god told the man to kill his child or some such crap...anyway it was all about having faith in god. so he finished up this little diddy by saying 'and we all know that a woman that argues with her husband is a woman who does not want to be married."

thas when i left the service.


Hmmmm... sounds like my kinda church! Were the chicks there wearing head coverings, too? Sweet.


there were some head covereings. and teeth were sparse.

all around it was just a couple notches away from deliverance.

all this god talk is frustrating for me. lets talk about wankers and lesbians some more


Not safe for work


This post is about religion, so, wanking and lebianising is strictly frowned upon. On my next post about wanking to lesbian porn though, you can go wild.


great....when is that next post cooming out?

this religion thing us upsetting me.

we (my work peeps and I) decided that we'd go to church more if they handed out pizza slices instead of those wierd communion wafers. also id like to have free fudjo's at the end of every service.

and have my car washed by homeless catholic vagrants.


Ahhhh Divine Intervention! Good stuff, G. Christy will love that page, I think.

The pepporoni pizza body of Christ. I like it.


thanks, although I cant take credit, I will say my friend Dani came over and did the whole singing 'body of christ, peperonie for you chant. very funny


There are no homeless Catholics. That would be like unemployed Japanese people.

Jessica, your name is making me very nervous. Does anyone call you that anymore? I'm getting burnt-orange/pea-green feeling from it. Please, go back to being yourself.

So, I went to that same deliverence church that Spank went to. On a different day, though. And, no lie, this preacher guy spent a freakin' hour on a woman's faithfulness to her husband. I am no activist, but when that shit starts hitting the fan, my tail feathers get all discombobulated.

I think my biggest pet peeve with Christians, me being one, is the phrase, "The Bible says...." No. No, no, no, no. The second anyone begins a sentence like that, my mind conveniently starts chatting away with itself regarding far more important matters to date. I don't mind hearing that the Bible suggests. Or that it's in the Bible. But don't tell me what the Bible says.

My four-year-old just busted into the room, slightly breathless and announced, "Mom! Do you want to come outside with me and look at a dead cat?"

"No," I responded. "If you leave it alone, it will rise in three days."




God enters through the wound...

Use Bactine.


I guess a little Neosporin might have prevented a lot of trouble if Mary had had some.


Let me tell you Jim & Gary, Mary did just fine getting herself out of a world of trouble with the Nazarene Elders by cleverly inventing that whole virgin birth thing... "Honestly papa, I don't even know what a penis is! I don't know how I got pregnant! Oh, wait... there was this bright light in my room the other night, and I had this dream about this, um, angel, see, and he said that God was coming..."


I'm going to try the 'Mary Outlet' on my husband when he questions how his credit cards that never leave his wallet become mysteriously maxed out.

Immaculate Charges.


Immaculate charges! Ha!I'm going to use that one someday, for something. Not sure what yet, but I'm sure I'll get the opportunity sooner or later.

All in all, a fine conversation everyone. Happy Easter! It's nice having such smart well-written people stopping by to say insightful stuff on religion. Oh, and Heather, too. :)

Gary posted this link first, and I'm adding it here for Easter fun: Christians! Take the Easter Challenge!


Huh... I was born & raised Catholic (kicked out of altar boys when Fr. McBride's ego couldn't handle a 13-year old taller than him. Of course, 25 years later he was arrested for kiddie fondling, but I digress). St. Andrew's was never that holy-roller type of fist-pounding evangelism... it was almost always a passive, pathetic PBS-esque "better to give than receive" lesson which obviously had the collection plate in mind. But hearing descriptions like yours always remind me of Phil Collins relating his inspiration for "Jesus He Loves Me," which is even more biting than the song itself. Yay!


I was raised in the smaller, more Americana types of churches, such as Congregational, Baptist, Christian Alliance, etc etc. which tend to be more dynamic than Catholicism, which was a despised institution among these other types of Christian churches... enough so that I sort of grew up equating the Catholic church with all those other non-Christian religions like Islam and, um, Mormons.

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