Either "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road" Jokes Have Deep Philosophical Significance On The Importance Of The Wandering Life... Or I Just Made That Up.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

Incidentally, if I ever open a book store, I'm going to name it Two Fathoms Deep, in honor of 'ol Sam Clemens. Because that's what mark twain means, in Mississippi river-boat parlance. What that has to do with a bookshop or the possibility of me ever opening one, I'm not sure, but it sounds good and would make a great conversation piece for me to chat up the customers with.

I bet after one visit, people would stop coming into my bookshop.

Although... that guy at Carroll & Carroll still captivates his customers with tales of arcane Library of Congress numbers and 3rd edition imported copies of old British sci-fi for hours and hours, and hours, so who knows.

Well, apropos of the above quote, it's been a slow week, I know. I've been waiting to post because I've been waiting on some news about whether I got a certain job or not. And I've been vegetating in front of my TV and not really exercising my head, so, no good rants were coming to mind, either. That's just the way it goes, sometimes. Although I did just finish reading a book named 'Blink' by Malcolm Gladwell. Very interesting stuff, and one I recommend to people with poor decision-making skills. The stuff about mind-reading through facial expressions was particularly interesting. But I digress...

I got the job! They are currently doing a background check on me, which has me a little nervous. Not that I've got anything to worry about... that I can think of. That's the problem with people digging around in your past. You start convincing yourself that somehow you've forgotten about a murder you committed or that time you did for embezzlement, and the sweat, oh my the sweat.

So it doesn't pay a lot, but I'm really excited about it. I'll be working for a company that does one or two week intensive training camps, where corporations will send their employees to get certified/re-certified on computer programs such as any of the Microsoft docket, Java, databases, blah blah blah etc. etc. Their home office is not far from my house, and it's in a nice location out in the woods, free of distractions.

I won't, however, be working there. My job title is something ridiculous like Remote Site Administrator Guy. What they do is, they have these camps all over the country, in cities where their clients want to send their people for two weeks of intensive training. My job will be to fly to that city with all of the computer equipment, book the hotel rooms and conference rooms for the client, set up the equipment before the party starts, then hang back while someone else does the training! If I want, I can even sit in on the classes, so that's a total bonus. Maybe I can figure out how the hell Windows Vista works... it's stupid. I miss XP. Traveling and learning on the company's dime is SO what all that intense hard work in Baghdad has qualified me for. Actually, it's the logistics experience that attracted them to me, and the independence, because I'll be flying around on my own. I didn't mention to them that that's not exactly what 'Independent Contractor' means, but shhhh.

So yes I'm extremely impatient to start... I haven't actually been to too many places within the continental U.S., and they tell me that I will have ample opportunity to look around... So I get to travel again, and possibly have new subject material to blog about, something which is painfully obvious that I need here. It's a win-win. Hopefully, I'll also be learning stuff about the business/office world, such as what the hell phrases like "We quickly customize ethical paradigms and professionally fashion inexpensive content for 100% customer satisfaction", or "Our challenge is to interactively restore resource-leveling content to set us apart from the competition" mean. I'm sure it must mean something.

Comments

[Heather]

No. Those phrases don't mean anything. The Dictionary of Corporate Bullshit will cut your learning curve in half. Just remember: go where the bullshit is. They keep the money right in the same place.

[Miss Luongo]

Now you should read The Tipping Point. That was Gladwell's first. Anecdotal science appeals to me.

[messiestobjects]

Anecdotal science? Huh... I think I really hate that term. I was thinking of Blink less as science and more as philosophy.

[Miss Luongo]

It's not really appropriate to use that term. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it has popular appeal as opposed to academic - and that's because of the anecdotes, which make it interesting. And it has footnotes for the skeptics.

[volguus]

Corporate jargon like that came about because "Greed is Good" needed to be made euphemistic to placate the SEC. "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, ...cut and paste from a few "Dilbert" comics.

[Gary]

Book stores make me poop. Unfortunately.

[messiestobjects]

Me too Gary! Especially if I've been drinking coffee there.

Uh Volguus... have you been spying on me?

[Sissy]

Congratulations Michael! It sounds like something you are going to be good at and will enjoy since travel is involved.

I just got a job interview that I've been on pins and needles about for weeks. Julie helped me out with getting to this point, and now, I guess I'm on my own with the interview.

Funny, McSmartypants, we rutted together, and now our skies are clearing. Of course, I don't have the job yet.

I have a ton of stuff I want to post. Post material pops into my head every second of every day. But those seconds are already being consumed by other things that do not allow time for posting. It's good that I don't post everything in my head, though. That would just get ugly.

[messiestobjects]

Hear hear! Here's to not posting everything that enters our heads!

I'm with you on the job thing though... technically, I got it, but it's been over a week since I filled out the background check paperwork, and I still haven't heard back from them... I confess I'm a bit nervous. Not that I've done anything, but what if I filled out the papers wrong? Or they found that unpaid Doctor's bill from ten years ago? Or just thought about it and decided they were wrong about me after all? Or found out about my involvement in the communist party?

Wait... what was it we agreed on about NOT saying everything that went through our heads?

[messiestobjects]

Oh, good luck with your job!

[Gary]

Mike, I hope they didn't notice that you make comments on my blog. That could hurt your job prospects.

[Sissy]

McSmart, I am of similar mold. I have moments of worrying to the 10th degree so that every breath I take, I take in fear that the breath has been taken in error. I attribute this to my lack of detail orientation. "Did spell my name right? Did I enter my birthday date or today's date? Is public drunkeness a misdemeanor or felony? Should I add that when I hit the police officer that night it was an action of self-defense?"

Who are we kidding? This is the Kingdom Come Arena for purging the contents of our heads. You think I spill this stuff in public? Heck, no. I have an image to uphold.

[messiestobjects]

Ain't no party like a commie funk party 'cause the commie funk party don't stop.

[Sissy]

Once again, this is what I read:

"commie fuck party"

I had to read the sentence three times.

Good job on your first day of work, McSmart.

[messiestobjects]

FUNK!... F-U-N-K!!! As in, "Ain't no party like the P-funk party 'cause the P-funk party don't stop!" You know... the anthem of Parliament. The funk band, not the one in D.C.

... although, your version has a certain ring to it...