I Was Fated To Choose To Write This Post In An Idiosyncratic Manner

There's an old conundrum bandied about in philosophical and spiritual circles about whether or not our lives, the universe, and everything are driven by free will or are pre-destined. I believe the Catholics like to call it pre-determination, which is the specific opinion that God has chosen all of our destinies, made all of our choices for us.

Leaving out the existence of God or lack thereof argument for the moment, this has always struck me as an idiotic and short-sighted position on the matter for religious types. The whole point behind the oldest Christian moral, that of Adam and Eve, is about giving man a choice between happy-go-lucky gardening in Eden or the loss of their innocence in exchange for cold hard knowledge. In other words, the very first choice in the Bible that was given to man by God was to do as he will; ignore the fruit tree as commanded, or eat some and suffer. That's what I believe what the kids are calling free will these days is. God wanted to see what Adam was made of, so he gave him a choice. So I really don't understand where all this religious pre-determination nonsense comes from. Probably some crusty old robed dude with a superiority complex sitting in the Vatican thinking up ways to justify his job.

Leaving pre-determination behind as anachronistic and moving on to the more philosophical aspect of the question, known as pre-destination, we begin to tread more logical ground. Pre-destination makes more sense to me as an idea because of some of the revelations of modern science, actually. Namely, the fact that Einstein discovered that Time is in reality not something that hasn't happened yet, but merely a 4th dimension. In other words, Time is quite possibly all of a piece; what we consider the past, present, and future are extremely subjective and actually may conceivably exist in the Universe all at once, and we are like mites on a round table or cavemen on a globe, too small to see the shape of it, but destined to travel in circles while believing we walk in a straight line. In other words, everything that ever was, is, or will be, exists right here and now, but our little minds are not large enough to perceive more than a tiny bit of it at any particular instant, which we call the present. By this logic, our futures have already happened and there is no changing them, and this is where the more philosophical side of the pre-destiny of our lives argument comes from. And you can still blame God if you want, or shake your hand futilely at the sky and rail against unpersonified fate. Whichever tickles your angry fancy.

Of course, logically, this breaks down for me also. The fact that our futures have already happened, are happening, or will happen, doesn't really mean anything. In other words, even if the future is all laid out, so are the choices we made at those points in our destiny. If the future is as set in stone as our past, well, you made your choices then, you're choosing to read this now, (sorry about that), and you will choose in a moment to get up and get more coffee. I've never understood why pre-destination has to cancel out free will. Just because the future exists doesn't mean your mind isn't there also to perceive it and make those choices.

I think it's just an outdated religious question that got out of hand, and a good example of people who think that they are logical not being logical. There's no reason to think that just because the future exists means that we didn't get to choose how it unfolded, barring any more data on the matter.

If you're wondering why I seem to be using the word logic a lot (See? I can get it right from time to time!) lately, it's because I'm apparently an INTJ and that's allegedly just how we operate, according to Personality Theory. So, now that I know that, I've spent a lot (See? I did it again!) of time thinking about logical conundrums. So, do I think logically because I choose to, or pecause Personality Theory (or God, or Fate) dictates that I should, hmm? Am I even thinking logically? I think that most people think that they think things through, so, it's entirely possible that I'm deluding myself.

One thing that I think that I am fated, predestined, or just simply chose to be is the kind of person that likes to play Devil's advocate. I often like to argue with people whether I agree with what I'm arguing for or not. Usually I do it just to irritate my friend Scott, but I enjoy the argument for argument's sake, also. I'll never forget the time when I turned my Mom's face pastier white than snow could dare to dream to be; I must have been like 1 or 2 years old, tops. I realize that that is an awfully young age to have such a vivid memory of, but if you'd seen the look on my Mom's face, you'd never have forgotten it either. I remember thinking, in a vague sort of way, that I wanted to get a reaction out of her just to see what would happen. We went to church every Sunday, where there was a lot of talk about God, and Jesus, and all that, and being so young I liked it all. Good vs. Evil was a concept I appreciated and I liked Jesus well enough. But again, I was looking for a reaction, and I remember walking into the kitchen and very innocently stating to my mother in a sweet little 2 year old boy voice, "Mom, I hate Jesus."

Well, I got a reaction all right. I hadn't realized it would be such a controversial statement. I remember being shocked by her anger and by what I didn't recognize at the time as her own shock and fear; I believe I actually thought she would think it was a funny joke. You know, two-year old humor. It took a long time to convince her that I didn't really mean it, which was really hard because I don't think I had the words at my disposal to explain myself at that age. It was a very strict lesson that arguments about ideas are not always well-handled by others, and also taught me that I sometimes enjoy getting a reaction out of them, regardless.

Comments

[Gary]

Are we just robots!? Are all our actions determined by the events that came before? Do it matter?

[messiestobjects]

Well no. I'm saying, really it doesn't matter because Free Will and Pre-destination are probably two sides of the same coin. It's an argument I've never understood because it makes no sense to say I didn't choose something just because there's a future somewhere out there that is a result of that choice.

[Gary]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_will

just reading that hurts my brain after a while.

[Jim]

I remember when I was about 2-1/2 my mom and dad were sitting on the couch and I went back and forth between them mouthing, "Fuck you."
I thought it would be okay because I technically hadn't said it. after about the twentieth time, I started to think that I had solved a problem not unlike achieving anti-gravity and my mind wandered to whether or not food, particularly fruit, sat inside of your stomach fully formed like cartoons had taught me and... Wham!

I suddenly found out it wasn't possible to swear without swearing - experiment failed.

Do you know how hard it is to watch Dr. Who with tears in your eyes?

[messiestobjects]

There was a delay reaction, huh? Well, it's a good thing you didn't get confused and think that they were smackin' you for mistaking cartoons with reality.

[Miss Luongo]

Two-year-old who hates Jebus? Devil child! No wonder your parents turned you on to Christian rock. I would have too. Well, no, I wouldn't have. I probably would have done what my people do, which is bring you to an old Italian witch and have her do a spell that removes the evil eye curse you were under. And then I would have played The Beatles for you until you understood that you were going to carry that weight for a long time, but there was indeed a way to get back home.

[Heather]

I'd have just smacked his ass and called him "Judy".

[messiestobjects]

But... I didn't hate Jebus! I thought it was funny because it was absurd to me that anyone could hate him. Good joke, ja mama? Um, no. No not really at all.

Sigh. Nobody gets me.

[Heather]

Au contraire, mon heathen. We 'get' you. We just like to 'tease' you to see your reaction. Sort of like how you did your momma.

[Heather]

TELL IT TO JESUS' HAND!

[Miss Luongo]

I got the point. Remember me? I'm a careful reader. So, if you wrote it, you can assume I got it.

Hence, I was stating mock outrage from the perspective of your mother who misunderstood you and then felt obliged to turn you on to Christian rock. The assumption being that you never convinced your parents that you were making a joke and they subsequently had to spend their parenting time convincing you of the lovability of Jesus. (Sigh.)

[messiestobjects]

HA! But now the joke is on YOU guys, because I GOT that you got it, but having nothing more clever to add, decided to pretend to NOT get that you got it, thereby getting a further rise out of you.

[Miss Luongo]

Oh, well, I love it when I get to exlain myself in overly long comments. Now I see why I'm supposed to like INTJs so much. You goad me into grandstanding. Fabulous.

[Heather]

Aren't they the funnest? I was going to tell you, Miss J, that deep down, Mike got it, but I didn't want to speak for anyone. I've got enough problems trying to motivate this team of so-called "crack" whores. It's like they TRY to suck.

[Jim]

I actually meant it.

"Fuck you, mom and dad, fuck you."

Don't you even tell that we can't stop and get a sesame seed candy bar at the True-Value. Bullshit and fuck you. Oh, stopped and got weed on the way home I see. Dick.

The girl in Lady Bug day care took us to the park today and when I asked if I could get a drink of water she pointed to the puddle I was swinging over. Yeah, Fuck you, too.

Bitch.

I remember everything - EVERY-THING!

[Gary]

I wish my dad smoked weed.

[Heather]

Damn! Lady Bug Day Care bringing the bad memories. Mine was called "Sunshine School" and I used to pull the legs off of the daddy long-legs spiders. Probably because I missed my mom. "I miss my big, stoned mom. Wah!"

[Heather]

Speaking of sesame seed candy bars, I had wheat germ on my whole wheat cereal every day. That'll make you want to rip some legs off. "Me? Oh, I'm wheatier than thou."

[Sissy]

Jim, I'm feeling Running With Scissors.

Heather, I suck on purpose.

Gary, I've tried to get my parents high on numerous occassions to no avail.

Michael, it's all out there, already happening, already beginning, already ending. When we get there, it's our choice to do with it what we want. Take it, leave it, eat it, shit on it. The road is paved, but we don't even have to walk it never-the-less grab hold of what's been established for us, for better or for worse. For worse, because there's rough road out there waiting for us, deliberate and serving purpose if we choose. If you listen closely to your life, your rhythm, you'll hear whispers of the road ahead. And if you're existential enough, you'll see how the road behind you makes complete and perfect sense, self-will and all!

[Sissy]

And Julie (since my last comment was interrupted by a cat fight), no one write comments longer than I! I'm digging personality theory. I now apply it to everyone around me.

[messiestobjects]

Cat fight!

[messiestobjects]

So far, my life makes perfect sense to me. I was too lazy to finish college, bummed around for a while, got depressed that I was too lazy to finish college, went to Alaska to gut fish. Got hooked up with a job in Germany. Stayed there for six years because I was too lazy and scared to really ever want to go back to "real" life, and Germany is awesome. When forced to leave Germany due to closure of Hotel I was working at, glommed on to this dude that had a friend in Iraq, got a job in Iraq. Stayed there for 3 years because was too lazy and scared to really ever want to go back to "real" life, even though Iraq was not awesome, except for the experience itself. Made a small pile of money. Job ended, but small pile of money = enough courage to face "real" life again. Currently experimenting with this so-called "real" life that all the kids are raving about. We'll see how it goes.

[Heather]

"All the kids" are a bunch of tards. I give it four months at the outside. Anyone care to make it interesting?

Here's what's going to happen: too lazy to finish blacksmithing, you'll get depressed because you didn't finish, then meet some "guy" who has a plan to do "something" any "place" other than where you "are". You'll figure, "What the hell? Might as well." You'll blog about it on the way, then when it's over, you will write a post detailing your end-of-adventure malaise. Rinse. Repeat.

(Also, right now, you are enumerating in great and vivid detail all the reasons that I'm wrong about this. BUT! My pointing that out will probably compel you to state otherwise so you don't lose your cover as a Contrarian, vis a vis "Mommy, I Hate Jebus.") And now you done been psycho-anoodlized.

I say, Make it easy on yourself and pony up now. $50 US, guv'na! "Real life" is not the odds-on favorite hyuh.

[Heather]

Then again, if I knew anything, I wouldn't be trying to figure out the best way to cut the crusts off of sandwiches most days. "Not rocket science" my ass.

[Sissy]

I've spent my entire life avoiding "real life." So far, so good. Here's the key: anything that I've ever done that might have looked like "real life" was justified and twisted in my head as "vagabond life." No nine to fiver for me.

I am the "Mommy I hate Jesus." I argue just to argue; no point needed. I contradict just to crack skulls open and let in a little light every now and again. I'm difficult just to see how far I can push an individual. And the value of shock is pure entertainment. I then take my social experiments and write up character sketches that I save for rainy days. It's all in a day's work. But none of it is "real life."

[Heather]

I would argue that it's ALL real life. If I were into arguing. I'm mostly just into sandwiches.

[Gary]

none of you people are real.

[Sissy]

I was going to mention that. So much to say, so little space in which to say it.

[messiestobjects]

Sissy how can you say that? My whole blog is nothing but space for you to say things in.

I am a real boy, dammit!

[Gary]

You're all just computer generated spam bots.

[Heather]

If I'm a robot, I guess I'd better git to punchin' stuff. ROCK 'EM! SOCK 'EM!

[Sissy]

Michael, beware giving me an inch. I'll take this blog over right under your nose!!!

Actually....I won't. I haven't managed my own blog in years! I'd never be able to pull a coupe over here. (is that the right word?) I am muddled with that mother fucking thing we are calling "real life." Fucking real life. Real fucking life. Real life fuckers.

Ahhhh. Feels like a hot bath to get that out.

Okay, McPants, when Julie's done clearing the cobwebs in my head, I'm pouring the contents into your comment spaces at my leisure!!!

[Heather]

Girl, you need an Open Thread.

[Sissy]

Okay. I'll hook myself up right now.

[Sissy]

I've been contemplating real life. There's the life that involves paying bills and showing up on time. And then there's the life that involves solving the problems of the world and listening to music that takes me to times and places I've since romanticized as the best times and places of my life. Of course, these are generalized catagories. My father would tell me that the latter of the two is a result of me having my head in the clouds and that real life is earning an honest dollar through responsibility and common sensical methods. He's wrong.

I came to this conclusion by thinking about people who operate in this world as robots. I considered that there are people who get up and show up for life every day and never go above or beyond that perimeter of their existence. Then I hashed over the people like me who study the horizon and look around or through the object in front of me to see what's on the other side. With both categories laid out mentally, I looked to the get up and show uppers and sadly delcared that they are missing it. They are missing the whole point to the purpose and destiny of their lives. If you can't reach out and place a hand on the thing that comes next, you have sadly missed an opportunity. Whether is it fear or lack of enthusiasm that holds people back or keeps them in their stagnant spots, I think they are living life with closed eyes and shriveled minds.

I have to watch myself. At times, I find myself a slave to routine; habit. It's safe inside predictability. I feel in control when I know what's next. But conducting the same business day in and day out only produces a false sense of self-confidence. "I am confident that A, B, and C will happen today because they are planned events that will not necessarily better me or my life in any way, but they are there because I've put them there and I am secure in knowing that I will follow through with A, B, and C." I have to remind myself that my mind and body far excede daily tasks. I have to push myself to seek those destined goodies that await me. I have to prepare myself for change and the accompanying discomfort it will bestow upon me. And I must be ready for failure. If I don't tune myself to live with my head in the clouds, life will become too long a task to complete.

(I warned you, Michael!)

[messiestobjects]

Hey no problem. It's ok if you want to write posts in my blog rather than your own... it gives mine more depth. Sucka!

And take it with a grain of salt when I start writing about real life... I actually have no idea what that really is. I mean, technically speaking, Gary is correct. Nothing is "real"... everything is "real". It's a zen koan. You figger it out.

[Sissy]

I consider it charity. And I still consider myself cool here.

[messiestobjects]

Sissy, you'll always be cool, here.

Unless, of course, you start acting like a dork or something.