My Scientist Could Kick Your Scientist's Ass

"Genius hath electric power which earth can never tame."
-Lydia M. Child

So I've been reading this biography on Nikola Tesla. Wowzers. This guy was insane, and there is quite a bit of misinformation out there about him and his inventions. For instance, Thomas Edison was a royal tool. Edison is credited with inventing electricity, but actually, Tesla invented alternating current, which is the form of electricity we use today. Edison was a proponent of DC, and had a whole bunch of money invested in patents for it. Tesla came along and dreamed up AC, and a battle ensued as to which form of current would be adopted. Much like the Betamax / VHS war, or the other, more recent Blew-Ray / HD DVD battle. Grrr. Argh.

Anyway, Edison resorted to some extremely dirty tactics. He kidnapped dogs and cats off of the streets, even people's pets, and electrocuted them to death with AC current in a barrage of propaganda stunts intended to scare people off of using it, saying that Alternating Current was far too dangerous to be used safely. He even apparently filmed the electrocution of an elephant with AC. Tesla won out though, because AC is superior and people realized it eventually. Unlike with HD DVD. Grrr. Argh.

"Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration."
-Thomas A. Edison

"If Edison had a needle to find in a haystack, he would proceed at once with the diligence of the bee to examine straw after straw until he found the object of his search... I was a sorry witness of such doings, knowing that a little theory and calculation would have saved him ninety per cent of his labor."
-Nikola Tesla

Mark Twain was a close friend of Tesla's. Mark used to hang out in Tesla's lab, and one time Tesla was experimenting with electrical therapy, and Mark insisted on trying it out. So he got up on a special rubber platform and thoroughly enjoyed a sensation of electrical vibrations. When Tesla told him that it was time to stop, Mark refused, whooping, waving his arms, and saying that this was awesome, and he could take it! Tesla smiled and said that for Mark's own well-being, he really ought to let it go and get down; a person is only meant to take so much vibrating. Mark laughed and still refused, despite Tesla's repeated warnings. Suddenly, Mark got a look of consternation on his face and clenched a bit. He abruptly hobbled to the edge of the platform and begged Tesla for the direction to the bathroom, as Tesla and his assistant laughed uproariously, knowing full well the laxative effect of the electrical therapy.

"Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough."
-Mark Twain

"Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like force and matter. When they separate, man is no more."
-Nikola Tesla

Tesla demonstrated publicly many amazing feats of electricity, some of which engineers are still baffled by today as to how he did them.

There are some extremely sobering, and frankly rather quite scary things which he claimed to have invented and tested, but which we know nothing of today. He claimed to have invented a device which could fit in his pocket, and could knock down a building simply by attaching it to a metal girder. It worked by resonating vibrations, and there is proof that his theory was sound. He'd been experimenting with it in his lab in New York City, and it caused great rumblings and broken glass 15 blocks away. He claims that later, he put such a device in his pocket, sauntered down to a building that was under construction, attached it, and waited until the entire structure began to vibrate alarmingly. It made an unbelievable sound, construction workers began running, and he surreptitiously stopped the device, put it back in his pocket, and strolled off unnoticed.

By the way, after he died, the US government confiscated all of his papers and personal notes, and they have still yet to see the light of public scrutiny. Nobody knows what was in them. For those of you who are conspiracy-minded, chew on that.

Tesla claimed that with that same device he could collapse the Brooklyn Bridge in minutes, and with appropriate timing and a large enough such device, he could split the Earth like an apple.

For further conspiracy theorizing, here's a paragraph from his Wikipedia entry:

Another of Tesla's theorized inventions is commonly referred to as Tesla's Flying Machine, which appears to resemble an ion-propelled aircraft. Tesla claimed that one of his life goals was to create a flying machine that would run without the use of an airplane engine, wings, ailerons, propellers, or an onboard fuel source. Initially, Tesla pondered about the idea of a flying craft that would fly using an electric motor powered by grounded base stations. As time progressed, Tesla suggested that perhaps such an aircraft could be run entirely electro-mechanically. The theorized appearance would typically take the form of a cigar or saucer.

Hmmm... Sound like any UFOs you've heard of?

He also demonstrated claims that he could transmit electricity wirelessly, and believed in the possibility of "Free Energy"; Do you have any idea what wireless power and free energy would mean to the world? Of course you do. But it has never been developed. He tried building a tower at Wardenclyffe designed to transmit power in just such a manner, but he ran out of funds, everybody thought he was a nutter, and the tower was destroyed for scrap.

He is actually the unsung inventor of Radio. Marconi was originally credited with inventing it, but all he did was steal an idea of Tesla's from a lecture, and patented it before Tesla had a chance to. In a nutshell. Tesla was eventually awarded the patent and credit for inventing Radio, but the Marconi misconception persists to this day. Tesla was cheated out of credit for many many things in this manner... he did patent quite a few inventions, but he is one of those historical geniuses that had more ideas in a day than I've had in ten lifetimes. He was so far ahead of his time that many of the things he accomplished have yet to be rediscovered, and he is uncredited for many of the ones that have been because at the time people thought his ideas were loony, and other people followed in the footsteps of Marconi with Tesla's "crazy" notions.

"The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane."
-Nikola Tesla

After reading this biography, I've had to rethink my opinion of The Prestige. I mean, I still think that it's a sloppy movie, and the denouement is still visible ten miles away, but part of what I thought was ridiculous about that movie was the portrayal of Tesla by David Bowie. I thought that the particular invention that he came up with in that film was utterly laughable, but now, I'm less sure. I mean, duplication of matter through the simple application of electricity is still extremely far fetched, but less so to me now that I've read about some of the things that he actually did experiment with.

 “Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine.”
-Nikola Tesla

Comments

[Miss Luongo]

INTJ scientists are the best. Especially when they have goofy ENFP writers hanging around their labs.

[Sissy]

I thoroughly enjoyed this from beginning to end. In fact, I just popped in, only having a few minutes before getting back to work, but couldn't stop reading.

The U.S. government has so much more going on beyond cigar-shaped flying machines. It would blow American minds to know what stolen secrets are under current and classified initiation. I recently read the truth behind Roswell and the most disturbing component of the story was that rather than step up to the plate and educate Americans as to what was really going on, the U.S. government spearheaded the alien story to hide their dirty little secret. I understand the warfare liabilities in letting all the cats out of the bag, but to fabricate a flying saucer headline and feed it to the press in the name of winning the impending Cold War? It only reinforces the fucked up nature of our society and the even more fucked up nature of human existance. And here we are, 50+ years later, with primetime television show and aliens to boot!

[messiestobjects]

I forgot that Tesla was supposedly an INTJ. No wonder he was so cool. He had a dark side that I'm not sure Twain would have approved of though... Tesla believed in Human Eugenics, and was a bit of an anti-Semite. And he was far from infallible; He vehemently disbelieved Einstein's Theory of Relativity. But other than that? Pure Genius. Although, it's looking like Human Eugenics may not have been such a bad idea to implement back in those days, considering that now we have a Monkey in the Oval Office.

[messiestobjects]

Glad you enjoyed the entry, Sis. Tesla is definitely my latest fascination; I almost titled this post 'The Art Of Being A Tesla Fanboy', but I went in a different direction. It makes me fuzzy that I was able to communicate my enthusiasm. And my dark suspicions with regard to the destruction of infrastructure by vibratory resonance.

[Miss Luongo]

I'm not surprised Tesla supported eugenics. It's always been a fairly popular idea among both the wealthy and intelligent. As a purely rational concept, it has merit. Sure, it's also elitist and fascist ... but, it would solve a lot of problems.

[Gary]

I really hated that "Signs" song. Yeesh!

[messiestobjects]

Tesla was never really wealthy, per se. Any money he ever got for anything went mostly back into his research. He did like to dine well and wear fine clothes, and he did hang out in the upper strata of the Manhattan socialites, so there you go.

But after all that, when he died he was destitute, and fairly widely regarded as a crackpot that had started off with a few good ideas and quickly flew the loony coop.

[messiestobjects]

Hmmm.. I was wondering if I'd be able to get through this post without a hair metal reference. Oh well.

[Miss Luongo]

I wrote "both the wealthy and intelligent" to be clear that these are different groups. Naturally, I'd prefer if only the intelligent bred. Wealthy people inbreeding is clearly a bad idea (recent damaging anecdotal evidence: Paris Hilton, Dubya).

But any eugenics plan is flawed. What would happen to the brawn genes if only dorks breed? And who would fight our wars and clean the toilets?

[messiestobjects]

Well, truly intelligent people would know how to solve their differences without resorting to war. And, there are gas station attendants and janitors in Europe who speak five languages, so intelligence doesn't necessarily have to equate with modern notions of success.

Or maybe they could do it like Iain M. Banks' Culture: Everybody has to take a turn doing the dirty work.

[Sissy]

"I really hated that "Signs" song. Yeesh!"

"I was wondering if I'd be able to get through this post without a hair metal reference."

I really had to hold myself back, but I can see that Gary has no self-control.

[messiestobjects]

Isn't that why he has two kids now? :)

[Sissy]

I knew that was the answer. It was on the tip of my tongue. But I was busy thinking that with two babies at home, intelligent conversation with Gary is going to be hard to come by. After number three, I fell victim to bumbling idiocratic nonsense.

Is idiocratic a word? It makes bumbling nonsense feel smart.

See? I don't even need the disclaimer. Honest self-representation is a virtue.

[messiestobjects]

Well, Idiocracy is a form of government that we have here in America, so technically yes, it's a word, because it describes that type of Government. As in:

"It doesn't matter if you're a Republican or a Democrat, because either way you'll be voting on the Idiocratic ticket."

[Sissy]

This is a monumental day. I have joined a political party.

[Miss Luongo]

Jokes aside...idiocratic is a word. It means peculiar, quirky, eccentric. I think it's a bastardization of idiosyncratic. [Cue "The More You Know" music and shooting star.]

[messiestobjects]

The Idiocratic Party is not a Party you join; It's a party that Americans have the God-given right to be born into.

All seriousness aside... idiocratic may be a word:

Idiocratic
\Id`i*o*crat"ic\, Idiocratical \Id`i*o*crat"ic*al\, a. Peculiar in constitution or temperament; idiosyncratic.

But it only has that single definition; the way we're using it means that the dictionary still has yet to catch up to common usage.

Also, I think that the dictionary's usage is improper. Why drop the syn? Syn is what it's all about!

[messiestobjects]

In the words of Rasputin's logic: Man's relationship with God is about forgiveness. In order to be forgiven, you have to syn. Therefore, God wants you to syn! Quod Erat Démōnstrandum!

[Sissy]

Idiocratic. Today is more monumental than yesterday. I have found a word by which to define myself.

Can I be an idiocrat?

[Gary]

It's a showdown in the no man's land, for the cowboy of the modern day
Come sundown, don't be hangin' round, 'cos the cowboy'll blow you away

[Miss Luongo]

I think idiosyncratic became idiocratic through systematic misuse similar to the way regardless is slowly becoming irregardless.

[messiestobjects]

Siss, you can be whatever you want to be. All the best self help books say so.

Gary, what?

Miss Luongo, how commonly do people use the word 'idiosyncratic'? Enough that it could have become bastardized? I would have thought that anyone smart enough to use that word would know what it meant and that it's supposed to be pronounced with a 'syn'.

[Sissy]

Oh, good lord. Gary's smoking crack again. I knew baby number two would push him right back to his roots.

And, OH GOOD LORD, I cannot STAND when people use the word "irregardless". What IS that?

Regardless is to have or show no regard. The prefix "ir" means "not". It's a negative. In order to indicate a negative meaning or communicate the opposite of a word, we add "ir" to the beginning. "Irreconcilable" is to not reconcile. And so forth.

But regardless is already a negative. Placing "ir" before the word creates a double negative, or communicates, "I do not show no regard."

This is yet another symptom of people adding prefixes, suffixes, and syllables to words in order to fill their mouths with content to compensate for the irintelligence from which they suffer.

I know this condition well. I'm currently undergoing treatment. No cure has been discovered as of yet.

[messiestobjects]

You're singing to the choir over here, Sissy. You're talking to someone who has been known to edit other people's comments because their irspelling drives him irsane.

But not Spanky's. No, I can't touch those. To do so is like attacking a windmill. I just have to take a deep breath and tell myself that it's part of her charm.

I've also been known, by the by, to edit posts from two years ago because I just noticed that I irtyped something. It's like a sickness.

[Sissy]

"To do so is like attacking a windmill."

O. M. G. Bahahahahhahah! I FEEL your pain. She doesn't so much as take the time to fix her POSTS!!! It drives me nuts. I have to read the line as it is, then read it according to my edits.

Funny thing: I was writing Spanky's resume last year and came to a bullet point that read along the lines of, "Authors correspondence in repsonse to client questions and concerns."

I cringed.

And, for the record, I am grateful for anyone who edits my comments. I pull my hair out over not having a spell-check box to click when leaving a comment. I am spell-check dependant. (See? I think I just irspelled dependent.)

[messiestobjects]

I don't understand people who aren't neurotic about their spelling and syntax. They're like, this whole other species.

I think that's how people who like watching sports on TV feel about me when I tell them I'd rather boil my eyes in oil than watch more than one minute of any televised sport, (Except snowboarding on the X-Games. I can go maybe a full ten minutes watching snowboarders go before becoming filled with ennui.) and I'd rather be caught masturbating in science class than be forced to hear two jocks discuss football statistics.

[Miss Luongo]

You want to get caught masturbating.

[messiestobjects]

No, I'd "rather".

[Gary]

get google tool bar - it has spell check for web forms (like what I'm typing in now)

[messiestobjects]

Firefox also has an edit tool; when I misspell a word in a text field, Firefox underlines it in red automatically, like Word does.

[Gary]

Yes - yes it does and I use it constantly. It's better than the Google one because it works when you type. But I figured installing Google tool bar might be easier for some than switching to a new browser.

[messiestobjects]

Gary you're such a communist. Always trying to decide what's better for everybody else. :)

[Gary]

And here I thought I was being thoughtful. I should just order people to switch to FF! Or else.

[messiestobjects]

Well, in that case it's really in their best interests, so forcing people to switch to Firefox is actually humanitarian. It's not evil if you use your communist powers for the betterment of the proletariat.

[Gary]

There's still some choice. You can switch to FF or you can move into a cozy gulag and work the salt mines.

hehehe now I'm reminded of this tasty treat.

[messiestobjects]

Yar I remember that song... I like the one they do where Casey Kasem starts freaking out and swearing because some douche called in and wanted to dedicate a song to a dog, and he hates U2.

[Gary]

ponderous... f'n ponderous

[Miss Luongo]

Ponderous.
I love that.