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« And Along Came A Transrealist | Main | The Anti-Elvis Says, Abeo, Las Vegas, Abeo! »

Monday, August 18, 2008


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Marc here:
That story, and that night are constructed of awesomeness in its purest form.
Unlike Peaches


I know, right?! Thanks for reminding me of it. Remember Oktoberfest and Zoe getting kicked out of the beer tent? Or that night we were at the Hofbrauhaus, drank like 8 maßes with that crazy mix of Garmischers and Chiemseers, then somehow made the 1&1/2 hour drive home? I think we told the polizei that we'd had A maß about an hour ago... which wasn't a lie exactly, but whew.

Never mind. I take that back. We did NOT drink and drive in the Fatherland.

Michael Fir

My name is Michael Fir, and you'll not forget my name again or I may violate you casually and repeatedly, like i violate Planck's constant, or those tawdry 'laws' of thermodynamics- two of which no longer apply to me. Just wait until i return from mining felt from the Ruwenzori mountains. Then you'll be sorry. Sorry like Matt was when I refused to take phone messages for him from Sabrina. or Jesse. or Magdalena... Miranda. I hate that guy.

Michael Fir takes messages for no man. Michael Fir serves only she who feeds on the blood of the innocent. And I love France.

I mine felt. I know most people dont, and some say you cant, but I am Michael Fir, and my ways are complex, strange and largely incompatible with western thought or philosophy- And they're collected here for the first time and available (Now!) in paperback for Christmas! If I choose to save Christmas again this year. So yeah, I mine felt and scale shit.

And I love France. Like no man should. That clear?


That was the starkbierfest!
I recall at one point you found me sleeping in a phonebooth. Upon waking up, I recall this being the discussion.

You: get up, it's time to go.
me: where's mike williams?
you: What?
me: I'm not leaving without mike williams
you: I'm mike williams
me: ok, let's go

I wasn't supposed to be blowing a lot of cash that night, but things didn't work out that way, as i recall.

When are you coming back to chicago?


Jesus, Starkbierfest. The fest where they make the beer with twice the alcohol content of a normal German beer, (which, I may add, is already twice as strong as American so-called beer) and we drank eight of those suckers? No wonder you were mistaking me for, well, not someone else we were there with, apparently. Maybe you thought I was a talking phone booth.

"I wasn't supposed to be blowing a lot of cash that night, but things didn't work out that way, as i recall."

Things never worked out that way. I defy any man woman beast child or Swissman to save money within a hundred mile radius of the Hofbrauhaus.

"When are you coming back to chicago?"

Hard to say... depends on the job and all. Someday though, for sure; Chicago is a cool city.


Michael Fir! Didn't he scale Mount Everest? And when he got to the top, he killed all of the Sherpas on his expedition, and he never said why, but then he donated blood to Tibet and became their interim Dalai Lama. I heard they don't even want the real one back now.

Micheal Fir

No. that's just part of the legend of Micheal Fir. I had to eat those sherpas before we ever left base camp.


Oh, don't be modest. We all know that your plan all along has been to become Dalai Lama so that you can go to hell and kick Satan's ass.

Miss Luongo

What happens when one violates Planck's constant? What would happen if Michael Fir violated Planck's constant while holding Schrodinger's cat?


Well, Planck's Constant is the size at which Quantum Physics takes over from Classical, Newtonian Physics. So violating Planck's Constant pretty much means using classical physics on the Quantum level. And since Schrodinger's Cat is a thought experiment used in the attempt to illuminate Quantum particle behavior, holding it in the Quantum realm using Newtonian physics would probably self negate itself.

So, pretty much nothing would happen. Or Everything. Whichever.

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