messiestobjects

An Inevitable Post, Given That You Know I Had To Have My Say About Green Zone

  So Green Zone. I can't really speak to the larger events which this movie tries to condense into a cohesive plot-line, although I have read the book it was based on and even did a blog post on it a while back. But politics aside for the moment, I think that this movie nails it in the details.

My favorite scene is when Matt Damon, after some intense action out in the chaotic streets of Baghdad, walks out behind the Republican Palace which we were using as the US "Embassy" to meet his CIA contact by the swimming pool. The look on his face and on his men's faces is perfect. Utter confusion, as though they were wondering, "did we pass out and wake up back in the US somewhere?" That disconnect was spot on and is something I not only experienced in the Green Zone but witnessed on not a few members of the armed forces' faces in that very spot. Not that I was really ever "in the shit", but it was a pretty unreal place and having spent some time out in downtown Baghdad, the Green Zone (officially called The International Zone; Green Zone was "local" slang and I myself always preferred to call it the Interzone) was undeniably a real-life study in stark contrast. Employees of the DoD hanging out and sunbathing in speedos and bikinis, drinking beer and carrying on as though they were trying to really be in Key West, while a half mile away on the other side of mortar walls was a city in pain and disaster at every turn. That to me was what the film captures best all around, and specifically so in this scene.

The other thing the film did really well was the set detail. The embassy pool looked exactly right, as did the Saddam International Airport. The flyover shot of the Green Zone was perfect, from the Hands of Victory monument and the Iraqi Tomb of the Unknown Soldier to the Republican Palace itself.

I even thought I saw my old camps in that shot, though I could have mentally added them in myself. I wonder if they used real footage there or if it was a digital recreation... either way, it looked excellent.

Another detail which I felt was right on was the sort of haphazard occupation of the Palaces in the Interzone. People would just sort of make their sleeping areas wherever there was a corner, their belongings strewn on the sides of hallways, working and living areas side by side, neo-cons in suits and soldiers in uniform, contractors and DoD employees in pocketed cargo pants and shirts all rubbing shoulders. Incidentally, on certain later occasions there were also three very out-of-place Stroudsburg rejects walking those halls wearing their rock-n-roll T-shirts (I think Jeff had a Lou Reed and Scott had a White Stripes. I may have had a ripped Pixies T-shirt at the time) and feeling like we were surrounded by pod people. Especially at lunch time when we'd sit together reading the Stars and Stripes and made fun of the daily propagandist idiocy in a dining hall otherwise full of neo-cons. We really didn't fit in there.

As for the politics of the film; a lot of critics are saying that the film has a heavy liberal bias, is anti-conservative and anti-war. Well, I don't really know when being anti-war became a bad thing, but the film anyway isn't really anti-war. The Matt Damon character is a soldier, and understands why the war was necessary... until it becomes clear that the reasons for the war were lies. He's assigned to a unit that is to search for Saddam's WMDs, which of course we all know by now never existed. It is an anti-conservative film, if by anti-conservative you mean that it's against being lied to by the Neo-cons so that we'd get behind their war like so many patriotic parrot heads. So then also it has a liberal bias, if by liberal you mean a person who dislikes having been tricked into committing murderous devastation upon a city for the sake of the Bush-Cheney agenda. It makes no claims per se on what their real agenda may have been, other than a closing shot of an Iraqi oil refinery. I myself don't really believe that this war was about Iraq's oil, or at least not only about their oil. I think what they wanted was probably a bit more far reaching than that, but until we can put those crooks on a stand, we may never really know.

One of the dumbest criticisms I've seen about the film is that it's not a new message. That we all know by now, even the Republicans, that we were lied to and that there never were any weapons of mass destruction to be found, and that this film doesn't add anything to the story and is really unnecessary. That's stupid. It's a movie, and as such all it needed to accomplish was to put the viewer inside the story it's trying to tell. If you can still make a movie about WWII, you can certainly make a movie about the invasion of Iraq without having to justify yourself beyond that criteria. As for whether or not it accomplishes that agenda, it's hard for me to say. I certainly feel like it's a complete success of a film, but that's because it only had to remind me of what it was like to be there, whereas I can't say that it succeeded for people who have never been to Baghdad or the Green Zone. Maybe it was too confusing and fast. But speaking as someone who lived there for a few years, it's the best movie I've seen yet depicting that time, that place.

The book, Imperial Life in the Emerald City by Rajiv Chandrasekaran, does the job much better, factually and politically speaking. The film is supposedly based on this book, but I'd have to say only very loosely. The book spends a lot more time on the day to day life of the Green Zone's ruling class and their disastrously ignorant decision-making, whereas the movie is trying to condense everything that happened into a nice streamlined plot with a good guy and a bad guy. I feel like this really worked on a visceral level, but unfortunately left it open to the very valid criticism of "making it all up". We all know there was a great WMD lie, but it was probably not one single dickish neo-con general who hatched it up on his own, and I feel like the CIA was largely complicit in allowing the great lie to happen in the first place, even though the first major break in the ranks came from the CIA Chief Weapons Inspector David Kay when he announced that he'd seen no evidence of WMDs after being in theater for less than a year. If there were any good guys in the Green Zone attempting to expose the lie, (and the book does talk about a few of them) they were largely ignored, marginalized, and were not involved in many, if any, heroic action sequences. At least not that we're aware of. In fact, my favorite early whistle blower, Scott Ritter, was a UN Weapons Inspector in Iraq before the war who went on any news show that would have him in the run-up to the war and plead with America to listen to him because there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq! Unfortunately he dropped off the radar pretty quickly due to inappropriate sexual conduct on the internet, and that's what happens to people who dare to speak out. (Although apparently now there is some damning video of him out there, so perhaps it wasn't merely a politically motivated discrediting move after all. We'll see.)

In any case, If you're looking for a detailed description of the insanity of the Iraq Invasion and subsequent occupation, read the book. If you're looking for a good action flick with shaky-cam and more reality than a Bourne movie via a brief exposure to what it may have been like in the Green Zone in 2003, see the movie. It's very good.

Soulless Meat Products Of War

I ran across this article on this guy because of email alerts I get from Google on any news out there relating to my imprisoned boss from Iraq. The article barely mentions my old boss, but this guy, Colonel Frank Wismer III, is a real piece of work. He's an Episcopalian Army Chaplain; you know, a believer in the Bible and Jesus and peace and love, and the article says this:

"Wismer, whose awards include the Bronze Star Medal and the Combat Action Badge, passes on to readers many lessons he learned while in Iraq. Here's one: "Going to war is an incredibly fantastic experience if one lives through it…One year in Iraq revealed things about community that the church was not able to reveal to me in 50-some years. I say that not as a criticism of the church, but to highlight the incredible bond that is established by individuals who survive the horrors of war."

Going to war is an incredibly fantastic experience? Because of the bond soldiers get while protecting each other and killing the other guy? I think he's missed the point of his religion. I mean, I get the bond thing, I really do. I've been in several situations which can never be understood by anyone who wasn't there with me, and this certainly creates a bond, so I can maybe imagine what being in the life or death struggles of combat can do for friendships, though I'm not sure what that has to do with religion. But this is a supposed man of God, talking about how great war is without any sense of irony. I'm not sure that "Onward Christian Soldiers" was meant as a literal call to literal bloody war, dude. My understanding, from having grown up in the church, was that we were being called to fight a purely spiritual war to convert human souls to God, and I'm not sure how you can justify turning people into soulless meat product in even a just war, let alone the atrocious moral and criminal mess that has been Bush's campaign in Iraq, as a so-called man of God.

"The big picture, he suggests, are the strategic objectives that led to the invasion of Iraq -- to fight the war on terror outside of America's borders, to plant democracy in a part of the world that spawns terror; to isolate neighboring Syria, influence a democratic movement in Iran and give notice Saudi Arabia that it cannot tolerate a strict, conservative brand of the Muslim faith practiced there and harbor Islamic militants."

He's agreeing with the sentiments in this paragraph, by the way, calling the lies and misinformation that led to our illegal and immoral war in Iraq "strategic objectives." And he feels that his God is okay with fighting the war on terror, America's war on terror, outside of America's borders. This, to me, is a most horrific sentiment. That a supposed Christian man thinks it is okay to take our battles and fight them in someone else's home. We've taken our war on terrorism, which now we all know had absolutely nothing to do with Saddam Hussein, Iraq or terrorism, and destroyed those innocent people's lives and homes, and he thinks this is what we as God's army had a right to do.

I don't know. I've never understood how any church can justify Army Chaplains who are also war mongers for the church. In my mind, if an Army Chaplain were to be living up to his beliefs, he should only be there to encourage moral behavior among the troops, (Hey guys, when you're out there today, please don't rape and kill any Iraqi women and their families. They're God's children too, you know) and to do everything in their power to help end conflicts, not promote them.

If you really want an extreme lefty belief here, I'm pretty sure that, were Jesus everything the Bible says he was, he'd vastly disapprove of the very concept of Army Chaplains. Men of God have no business in war, except perhaps to be there independently, (not on the military payroll) and being compassionate to all people involved while doing whatever possible to end it. However, he's actually against withdrawing our presence in Iraq, mostly because of how he thinks it would make us look.

"To pullout our troops out of Iraq now would be a colossal mistake and send that country to chaos," he says. "Strategically that would not be helpful. We would be seen as a people only in something for a short time, not for the long haul."

"I would like to see the Iranian government be able to manage, the military be able to protect the country from without and the police to protect it from within. Then there can be phased withdrawals, but that needs to be done over time."

Iranian Government? I hope that was just a misprint and not a telling slip of the tongue, dude.

Seattle; City Of Science Fiction And Improper Diction

"When I die, I'm donating my body to science fiction."
-Steven Wright

"The future isn't what it used to be."
-Arthur C. Clarke

It's my 200th post! So in honor of this rather meaningless milestone, I traveled all the way out to Washington state just to get this photo of the Space Needle. Well ok, I was forced to be in Seattle for work, but I made the best of a bad situation and toured around the city a bit, and spent some time with Jordan and Alison, friends of mine who live in the area whom I'd known from Germany. Jordan is famous for his dance moves at the Bavarian Biker Fest (and has the neck-scars to prove it!) and Alison is famous for her drunken instigation of little Danish hot dog fights. Also I got to see Emily, another friend from Germany, who was in the area on rather suspicious business one afternoon and who is famous for breaking T-bars over fellow snowboarder's heads in fits of amazing pique. Ah good times, good times.

Anyway, Seattle is a very cool city, although I must say that I'm very disappointed to not have seen one single flannel the entire time I was there! Very sad. It's almost as if, collectively, it is a city ashamed of it's grungy flash in the pan. The absolute COOLEST part of the city, without a doubt, and I'm sure you already know what I'm going to say because it's the coolest thing in the universe (that we know of) and it's in Seattle so of course you know where I'm going; is the Science Fiction Museum.

I was soooooo happy when I realized this place existed, and that I was in Seattle to experience it. This museum kicked so much butt. You weren't allowed to take photos inside, which really really frustrated me. Here I was, in the coolest museum I'd ever been in... and I was impotent. The no photo rule didn't stop me from trying to be all surreptitious of course, but the few shots I managed to sneak wound up coming out rather blurry and not worth keeping, because I was too busy looking around for the mean kling-on security guard. I did keep one or two photos, blurry and badly composed as they are. But I'll get to those in a minute. They had a ton of first edition science fiction classics in there that I would steal in a second. (Uh, if I did that sort of thing, which I don't.) By authors I had been sure that only I knew about. James Blish. Fritz Leiber. Theodore Sturgeon. Stanislaw Lem. Pierre Boulle, Robert Heinlein, Philip K. Dick. And... they were in places of honor. It was like heaven. They even had Iain M. Banks and Vernor Vinge, two of my more modern favorites, along with of course all the big easy ones. Asimov. Clarke. Niven. Anderson. A first edition of Childhood's End, (by Clarke) the first sci-fi novel to blow my mind and which made me ravenous for more. No Rudy Rucker though that I saw... a major oversight.

They had displays of movie items too, of course. Props from famous sci-fi movies and franchises; the dress that Sean Young wore in Blade Runner, a Storm Trooper armor suit, the original model of the Death Star used in Star Wars, (Where the no photo rule would have literally had me pulling out my hair, if I had any. As it was, I was in agony. The security ape would not leave! I think he was on to me.) the little talking bear from A.I., the Terminator robot, Robby the Robot. (Robby the freaking Robot!) Captain Kirk's command chair. Anybody recognize this?

Yes, that's right! It's the Pit Bull. Griff Tannen's anti-gravity skateboard from Back To The Future II. Totally. Sweet.

My favorite thing about the Sci-Fi Museum though is that, you know how in normal like, arty-farty museums, you'll see collections of snooty arty-farty junk, with little plaques next to them that say snooty stuff like "Kindly donated from the prestigious collection of Snooty McVandersnot"? Well, it's only at the Sci-Fi Museum that you'll find Star Wars action figures donated from the collection of Gus Lopez!

Yeah, it says "From the collection of Gus Lopez"... kind of hard to read, I know. But I had Had HAD to get this picture, and I was very nervous that that security clown was going to come around the corner before I got the chance. Plus the light was all dark and science fictiony. Oh well.

After the titillating thrill of the Science Fiction museum, the rest of Seattle rather paled. I re-visited Pike Place (I'd been there about 12 years ago on my way back from Alaska) and had a coffee at the original Starbuck's. I don't like Starbuck's coffee... too acidy. I like my coffee stronger and with the coffee machines having been cleaned out every once in a while. BUT, it's the very first Starbuck's coffee shop ever, it's a great success story, it was right there, and I am a traveling glory-hound, after all.

Oh sure, I did other stuff. I went up the Space Needle, rode a ferry from Bainbridge Island to Seattle, saw the world famous Giant Shoe Museum. Hell I even worked a little. But none of it is really as exciting as, well you know. That awesome genius science fiction museum, of course.

Jordan was kind enough to let me crash at his parent's house (they were on vacation) with him and Alison for a few nights, which saved me a few bucks on a hotel room. Very cool. Good to see them. When old Chiemseers get together, many tales of German hilarity along with German beer will inevitably flow. I flew out of Seattle on the 12th straight down to Fort Lauderdale Florida, where I am at the moment. Again for work. It's rather a hum-drum area... I've been here before, back in January. I just think it's neat I went from one corner of the continental US to the other. What a great job.

Oh, just in case not everybody has noticed, something else happened this past week which made me extreeeeemely happy: The military officer who arrested me in Iraq for being snotty to him found and commented on my blog! Specifically on the original post where I told that story. Nothing has made me that kind of happy for a really long time. You can read the post, his comment, and my response in the original spot, here. I really hope he comes back... unless he's going to arrest me for being snotty to him again of course. I won't be needing any more of that.

Shoes of Mystery? Sheesh.

Back To School: My Book Report & How I Spent Four Summers

Hey guess what? I'm having my Groundhog day. I'm in Virginia again, for the third week-long assignment in a row. Ick. If anybody ever wants to travel to Vienna, VA, I know all the good restaurants. I forgot my camera, so even if I wind up doing something interesting, I won't be able to share any images. I'm probably not going to do much though. I might go see another concert on Saturday; there's a band I really like named Louis XIV playing.

But I finally got around to reading a book which I'd touted here waaaay back in October aught 6. I'd been wanting to read it for a very long time, but I think I felt like I was still too close to my own experiences in Iraq, so I kept putting it off. I don't know exactly why I finally decided to pick it up, other than that I just needed something to bring to Virginia with me. At any rate, after I finished reading it, I went to the author's website and dropped him the following note:

I just finished your book... I lived in Baghdad (successively in a hotel in the Karradah district, the VVIP airport terminal, and in the Green Zone) for three years, from August 2003 through October 2006. Since I left, the level of both stupidity and insanity which I witnessed there slowly seeped away from my daily consciousness, until I was almost fit for normal human company again. Reading your book was an extremely engaging experience for me as it not only brought all of those old emotions back, but additionally shed some new light on the chaotic events that went on around me which I did not fully understand at the time.

Uh... thanks?

Which about sums it up. It's an excellent book in that I believe he really went out of his way to be as impartial and as nice as possible to the people he was writing about, which in the end only made their grand stupidities even more painful to read. Having lived there during the period about which he wrote, (The CPA's tenure in control of the reconstruction of Iraq led by Paul Bremer from 2003 to 2004) it added another layer of emotion which I find to be inexplicable. For instance, there was an incident near my company's compound in the Green Zone one time while I was covering for Rodney there while he was on his vacation. Rodney was the Irish scalawag friend of mine who'd had a friend working in Iraq who got us all jobs there in the first place back in August aught 3.

Anyway, one night the Green Zone incoming alarm went off, followed by a warning to all CPA employees to stay out of the streets of the Zone. Word came down to us that an American had been stabbed right out in the open inside the Green Zone and that the army was searching for the terrorist that had somehow snuck in and done it. We never heard anything else about it and, with so many other crazy things going on all the time, it was quickly forgotten about. Well, Rajiv wrote about that incident in his book. Apparently it had been quickly discovered that the stabbing was done by a fellow American; the two men had been having a drunken brawl or something. This news was hushed up, and that was that. It seems that the powers that be would rather have had us believe that an insurgent was loose in the Green Zone than admit the truth, and I'm not even really sure why. But I'll tell you one thing, when I read that, I laughed my ass off. I'd always kind of wondered about that stabbing, and it was an unexpected release of, something, when I read what had really happened, over four years later now.

That was one of just a few incidents that I was around for which he writes about from an insider's perspective. He wrote about the bombing of the United Nations building, which had happened just a week after my arrival in Baghdad. One funny incident that he wrote about was when the Iraqi Soccer team won an important match against Saudi Arabia. That night, the Americans inside the Green Zone freaked out when they heard an insane amount of gunfire coming from the city just outside their 12 foot high protective barriers; they all ran for bunkers and basements thinking that this was it, the Iraqis were storming the Green Zone. It was my second night in Baghdad and we were staying in a hotel downtown, NOT protected by the concrete blast walls of the Emerald City. We were inside, probably playing cards or eating strange and greasy local food or who knows what, when a CRAPLOAD of gunfire began right outside on our street. Dave, Scott and I were kind of like, aw hell, we're going to die on our second night here? Rip off. Ironically, my future boss-who-is-now-in-prison was there too; it's where I first met him. Dave tried to lock himself in the bathroom, Scott was standing in the hallway trying to figure out what good hiding was going to do, and I was under me bed. Phil (my future boss) was in his room, gesticulating at all of us urgently (and creepily) to come into his room while holding out a bottle of Jim Beam; I think that he was thinking that hell, if we're going to die we might as well party first. (That, incidentally, should have tipped me off about him right away.) We heard someone walking through the courtyard of our hotel, bullet shells dropping onto the tiles. Oh God oh God oh God, this is it. Phil's security guard walked in with a big grin, because he'd just been outside joining in with the celebratory gunfire over Iraq's victory in the soccer match. I wrote about that in less detail at the time here.

One that really got me was the bombing of the Green Zone Cafe and then the Market on October 14th 2004. I knew that date off the top of my head, and could have told anyone who asked when that happened without having to look it up. I'd quit my first job in Iraq and began working for Phil on October 12th, 2004. Rajiv called the market and cafe bombings the beginning of the end of the CPA staff's illusions in the Green Zone (I'm paraphrasing). I'd been to the cafe with Scott a few times, and we'd frequented the market during that summer. I think I also wrote about that in a mass email at the time, here. (This other page that I keep linking to by the way is a companion blogpage where I posted a bunch of mass emails I'd sent to friends and family from my early days in Iraq, before I had a blog) I was two blocks away from the market when a suicide bomber blew himself up, along with one of my favorite shops there; A tent where a nice old Iraqi man and a young Iraqi John Lennon lookalike sold songbirds and various other bric-a-brac.

It was a sobering omen of what was to come, and it certainly saddened me in ways that few other bombings which I was around for did. For the remaining two years that I was there, every time I drove by the area where the market used to be, I shook my head like an old man, and even indulged in a tut-tut occasionally.

But these are some of the moments I felt while reading his book because of how I experienced them, not what the book is really about. It's really about how the Bush Administration not only did NOT have a real plan for Iraq after his wrong-headed war, but how even more egregiously they sent people over to fix the country they'd just demolished who were chosen for their jobs because of their affiliation and loyalty to the Republican party. People who actually understood Iraq and what needed to be done were short-shrifted, shunted aside, even fired and removed in favor of Bush loyalists, most notably Jay Garner for Paul Bremer but also hundreds of others. Quoting from the book jacket:

...the case of the 24 year old who had never worked in finance put in charge of reestablishing Baghdad's stock exchange; a contractor with no previous experience paid millions to guard a closed airport; a State Department employee forced to bribe [other] Americans to enlist their help in preventing Iraqi weapons specialists from defecting to Iran! (that's my favorite one, by the way); Americans willing to serve in Iraq screened by White House officials for their views on Roe vs. Wade; people with prior expertise in the Middle East excluded in favor of lesser-qualified Republican Party loyalists. Finally, he describes Bremer's ignominious departure in 2004, fleeing secretly in a helicopter two days ahead of schedule.

Of course I wasn't even close to being directly involved in any of that stuff, but I was around for it and witnessed a lot of the side effects. I heard all the talk... the Green Zone was a small community in those days. I highly recommend 'Imperial Life In The Emerald City'  by Rajiv Chandrasekaran as a clear minded journal of one of the most embarrassing moments in American history. And yes, I was a part of it in my own small way. Yay.

On a final note, I want to say that one of my proudest moments in Iraq was when I got to be rude to Paul Bremer. Dave, George, Scott and I were eating dinner in the CPA building when who should walk right by our table, but Paul Bremer and Dan Rather, followed by a gaggle of reporters and suck-ups on their way to a quiet corner of the Republican Palace for an interview. As I saw him coming, I loudly whistled Darth Vader's theme. For my trouble I was rewarded with a sharp look from Bremer and some very frightening glares from his body guards. In retrospect, especially after reading this book, I realize that he was not so much a Dark Lord as an opportunistic incompetent, and it would have been more apropos to whistle the Animaniacs' theme.

Mr. Williams Goes To Washington And Has A Splendid Time Complaining About Nearly Everything, As Is His Wont.

So I finally caved and went to Washington D.C. I met with GBG's lawyers and we discussed what I knew about the work we performed for a former client, DynCorp, whom GBG wants to take to court for money owed. Very distasteful all around, but, I have rather a skewed sense of obligation about these things, and anyway it afforded me the chance to have a look around our nation's Capital city. I took a few pictures, but forgot to bring my card reader. Anyway, I was rather lackluster with the photos. You're not allowed to take any in the Smithsonian museums, (not that museum photos are really ever worth it) and D.C. architecture is, (how to put this so as not to offend Patriotic Americans that have never left their country in order to see superior architecture anywhere else) well, uninspiring. Dull. Unimaginative. BORING AS BLOODY HELL.

It's bizarre, actually. Because whoever designed the Washington Monument was obviously going for the Egyptian obelisk design. Because that's exactly all it is, except that they were satisfied by just making it really really big (for any foreigners reading who are unaccustomed to American culture, bigger is always better) and devoid of any actual creativity. An Egyptian obelisk is usually covered in hieroglyphics, perhaps depicting an event or honoring the person or God in whose honor it was erected. Ours is just a large unadorned phallic symbol, with bleeping red lights at the tip so planes don't crash into it at night. Thousands of years from now, when whichever Empire will be in vogue has come to tour the ruins of Ancient America, they're going to say that Washington D.C. was a large city with many unfinished monuments, and that they may never understand the meaning behind any of them, due to a severe lack of clues. Or, they may even be mistaken into thinking that the Roman empire never actually died out; It just moved it's main operation overseas and got really boring. Another case in point is the Lincoln Memorial. It's exactly what you think it is. A really really big sculpture (see American culture rules above) of President Lincoln sitting in a chair in a big empty room devoid of anything else of interest, save Lincoln's speech carved on the wall in big letters in Roman font. I could have been totally satisfied with only ever having seen it on TV. Actually being there really didn't add much to it.

So, generally speaking, American Federal architechture is the retarded red-headed stepchild of Roman design. Seriously, it's like whoever designed this stuff went to drafting school, and only got halfway through that period in the history of Roman style. Far enough to get the basic gist, but then had to drop out during the more detailed sections on the Roman's creativity because he had to go learn his father's trade as a sorting clerk at his firm, Berman, Berman & Boredom. On this one building in particular, I don't remember which one because of the blandness, it's all big stony blocks and Roman columns, without any more detail. They did carve some distinctly Roman-looking faces into the side of the building, but, there is absolutely no indication of who they're supposed to be. Romans would have included a motif, or more distinctive features so that you'd know whose visage you were dealing with, and perhaps a lovely floral pattern or twenty, but the hero of our architectual story seems to have just gone "Eh... good enough. Time to go sort the mail, anyway" after making only two bland faces, one male and one female, and replicating them one after the other around the circumference of the building. Pathetic and dull, and sort of embarassing for us, really.

But The Holocaust museum was really well done, actually. I'd heard of the Holocaust museum from way back and that it was excellent, and have always wanted to check it out, so that was good. I spent several hours in there, and I've been to alot of that type of thing. My favorite part was the wall of Heroes; a long list of names of people that in one way or another helped to save lives during the Holocaust, with brief descriptions of some of the more interesting stories. Good 'ol Oskar was there of course. There were also some other really well thought out displays, weeping people, and apathetic teenagers on school field trips. Ah to be so young, stupid, and bovinely unconcerned again. I was totally there with the teenagers who were nearly dropping dead from ennui at the various outdoor monuments, however not being affected by the holocaust takes some very practiced detatchment. Well good for them, I say. The real world and all it's horrors will come crashing in on them soon enough. Enjoy not being a part of it all while you still can.

The other part of D.C. that I really enjoy is the towniness of the regular parts of the city. I guess that there is some sort of zoning law which limits the height of buildings, (I think that nothing can be taller than the Capital Building, or the Great Phallus, or something. It's just a rumor I heard out of the corner of my ear, so to speak, but it seems to hold up. No high-risers.) so it's sort of a sprawly affair with lots of charming old style housing and vibrant shopping and restaraunt areas. I ate some really good food, and that always makes for a pleasant excursion. The law firm I had to go to was actually a quick hop across the border into Alexandria, Virginia, and that was a sickeningly charming little area, all colonial and junk. It snowed pretty heavily that evening, so as I left the law offices it got even more grotesquely traditional looking. I kept expecting to hear a town cryer wander by. Well you know not really, but it would have felt appropriate had one done so.

Since I don't have any pictures of Washington to paste just yet, I'm going to post my current most favoritest YouLube video ever, which I've appropriated from GoDrex. He always finds the best stuff. Be warned, though; Typical Gen-X irony and foul language abound. Not to mention serious offences to prim and proper George Washington fans. But I think George himself would be proud.

Also, apologies to members of the Gen-X for actual usage of the term Gen-X. It had to be done, it's the only way outsiders will understand. When you say something is Gen-X, people like to nod their heads knowingly and go, oh those crazy slackers. Of course, it's entirely possible that this video was created by a non-member, but if so, they totally get it, man.

I Wax Badly Poetic About Very Big Things I've Seen On My Tours Quite Alot, Don't I? or, Cambodia, Here's My Ode To Ya

They say that travel is broadening, and I'm beginning to think I'll never be able to know that for myself because I'm starting to understand that being a tourist is not the same thing as Travelling, (capital 'T' intended) and it seems that there is nowhere you can go that's cool anymore where you're not just another tourist. Bugger. Well, I can at least say with authority that tourism is informative, which is not quite as good as getting all broadened up, but still pretty all right. So, in that spirit, allow me to tell you what I've learned generally about Southeast Asia, and Cambodia specifically because Thailand is so last week. I've learned that once, long long ago before men ruled the world, there was a great world war between the squirrels and the monkeys. The squirrels bombarded the monkeys with their nuts, the monkeys tossed their sun-dried bowel gems at the squirrels, they would get into spectacular tree acrobatic sumo fights, and things continued on in this way for quite some time until the fact dawned on them that nobody was really winning because nuts and sun-dried bowel gems are not lethal, and winter was coming. A truce was made and a decision reached to split the world between them, and since squirrels are not as smart as monkeys, they were conned into taking to the northern climes, and the monkeys got the tropics. So, what I'm trying to say is that monkeys are Southeast Asia's squirrels. They run around in the public parks collecting things left behind and play in the trees, and keep that same sort of not-too-terribly- afraid-but-cautious distance from people thing that squirrels do. Lets hope that the monkeys don't discover crack the way those crazy South London gangs of squirrels did.... whew, what a mess. Kids these days. I'd just like to say though, that NY City squirrels did it first, NY City squirrels did it worse. Anyway, it's cool though, because I'll get all excited and be like "Monkey!" and the Cambodians will be all like "Dude, total tourist. Lets go hassle him for some money."
Another thing I've learned is that Cambodian trees are the coolest. They got some awesome trees around here.

That's just a taste... I have soooooo many tree pictures, but you'll just have to wait until I get all my pictures up onto smugmug. Speaking of which, I opened my Krabi, Thailand photo gallery. It's a smallish gallery because there wasn't a whole lot there, and also it's taken me this long to even be able to get those few up. I won't be opening any other galleries until I get back home to speedy internet, probably.
Moving on; another thing I've learned is that travel by tuk-tuk is awesome. Today I took a 3 hour trek through the Cambodian countryside on one. Fantastic. And by the way, I know you're all likely very sick of hearing me talk about them by now, but I have to add that bumping along Cambodian backroads in a three-wheeled cart with cushions towed by a scooter (that's what a tuk-tuk is) while listening to The Gun Club is sublime. My MP3 player has been shamed, in it's social circles. It is no longer an MP3 player, but a Gun Club player. I've listened to nothing else since the night of my eye surgery. Okay that's the last time I'm name-dropping them here, I promise.
And the last bit of touristy wisdom that I'll be passing along is that Angkor Wat is really really really really really really really really really really freaking fantastically big. I mean really, really big. You have no idea just how large. Just enormous. It's fantastihugeoungouslylarge. Ok yes I'm borrowing a bit from Douglas Adams as he attempts to describe the size of the Universe, and you shouldn't think that Angkor Wat is the same size as the Universe because of my paraplageurism, because then you'd be very wrong and a bit confused about things, but it really is just amazing. I read somewhere that it is the largest religious structure in the world. Or the largest spiritual temple. Or something. Anyway, it's on the list to potentially be one of the new Seven Wonders of the World... I'm going to vote for it first, definitely, and I've seen more than a few of the items on that list. See this picture?

Yeah, it doesn't really give you any idea at all of how big that thing is. Anyway, this whole area, around the town of Siem Reap, is crazy infested with temples. Angkor Wat is the main attraction, but there are literally over a thousand other ruined forest temples that are also awesome in different ways. There's one named Ta Prohm that is overgrown with trees, breaking apart the stones of the Temple. Parts of Tomb Raider were filmed there, I understand. Never seen it. But here's a good temple/tree combo. There will be alot of these, someday, in my Angkor gallery.

There's another one named the Bayon, which has a whole mess of very large enigmatically smiling faces carved all over it. The one I took the tuk-tuk ride out to today is called Beng Mealea, and it was my favorite side temple so far because the only people that go out there are those that stick around for more than two or three days and have the time to venture out to the more distant temples, so for large periods of time I was alone and it's been untouched and virtually unrestored since it's rediscovery, so it was very Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones = cool.
I'm not doing a very good job of conveying what this place is like. Angkor Wat, together with the walled city of Angkor Thom a few hundred meters away, once formed the nucleus of the Khmer empire, where kings competed with each other over a 300 year period to build the biggest and best temples ever. EVER. I am here for five days, and that's either not enough time, or enough to overwhelm me into a puddle that never wants to see another temple or take another picture again. I have taken so many inadequate pictures that I kind of want to give off a good girly shrill scream and chuck my camera at a wall. Don't doubt it, I've done it before! Different reasons though. My idiot boss was really pissing me off that time.
Speaking of, the former head of my old company was finally sentenced the other day... 46 months in prison. He's been in jail without bail for 15 months already, so, he's got a few years left. Then 2 years parole. So, that's the end of that chapter, and hopefully my blog will never see mention of that whole mess ever again. Unless they still want me to go to DC at some point, then I'll try and keep it to a travelogueing minimum.

"Rucker On Acid And Infinite Numbers, Bright Copper Kettles And Warm Woolen Mittens..."

... these are a few of my favorite things. Rudy Rucker is all nines, baby. If you are the type that often stays awake in bed far too late at night trying to wrap your head around infinity, but then get sidetracked and start thinking about who your favorite muppet is (DR. Teeth), (or wait, Zoot.) (No no, Beaker, definitely Beaker.) then Rudy Rucker is your future favorite author, I guarantee it. (Damn it! I forgot about Animal. This is hard.) Start with White Light. While waiting for it to arrive, go to Rudy's site and try to wrap your head around whatever the hell he's talking about. Other awesome mind-exploding books by him are Frek & The Elixir, and he also wrote a sort of sequel to Edwin A. Abbott's classic Flatland, called Spaceland: A Novel of the Fourth Dimension, which was my first experience with Rudy. He is a mathematics professor and he writes this weird sort of mathematical/mescalin induced sci-fi, which, because it's not like any other sci-fi anywhere, has been given the label of Transreal. I just received his latest book in the mail and I can't wait to devour it. I swear, he may be my favorite author ever... actually my favorites kind of go on swing shift. Next time I start thinking about John Steinbeck, he'll be my favorite. And then Herman Hesse. And then Vernor Vinge.
As for music, for those of you who don't know about The Gun Club, go find a copy of Fire of Love. Honestly, I love it more than anything (today), but the first time I heard it, I got really, really, really angry. They sound aLOT like the Pixies, or a certain very distinctive aspect of them, anyway. Then I found out that The Gun Club was around way before the Pixies, realized that Francis apparently didn't totally come up with that sound all on his own, and I got even angrier... I'm over it now. But damn. Getting older is all about having your deepest illusions shattered. But it's probably becoming one of my favorite albums ever, so at least I've got that going for me.
My Dad plays the dulcimer, and is all into the Pocono Dulcimer Club. They put on a concert earlier tonight and I got to see Don Pedi, a master of the Mountain Dulcimer from North Carolina, play. He apparently was in that movie 'Songcatcher' with Aidan Quinn, which I've never seen, as the white-bearded Appalacian dude playing the dulcimer, which is appropriate because that seems to be exactly who he is. But the dulcimer is a really pretty instrument, and it was actually really fun. Tomorrow, I'm going to Philly with Creepy and her boyfriend's band, who are opening for Murphy's Law. So I'm getting the whole spectrum this week. Hoo-ray for spectrum.
It looks as though I won't be going to D.C. to give my deposition, after all of that nonsense... I'm not really sure why. I got paid, and emailed GBG to tell them I got it and that I was ready to go... but then they never got back to me! So, I don't know what's going on there, but I'm leaving for Thailand this friday, so it sucks for them!

(Wait, of course! Statler & Waldorf!!!)

Name Calling And Other Green, Black & Yellow Issues

Aha! I was right! About too much water in American toilets, I mean. There's a great post over at Inky Circus about how wasteful our current system is. They also link to another article on the subject worth a further read, which reminded me of how the company of mercenaries I saw alot of in the Interzone in Baghdad, named 'Blackwater', (you should all have heard of them, if you pay attention to news) is named after what the sewage treatment business calls water with nasty smelly human poo in it. You can't make this poop up folks! The other thing it talks about is how in the future men will have to pee sitting down, if we want to solve the problem with urine separating toilets. Screw that; when I finally have my own place, I'm getting a waterless urine-separating urinal installed... I never understood why all houses with men residing in them don't have urinals already, anyway. Much less water wasted in those, and it would stop all fights about having the lid up or down. Another Green issue on everybody's mind is this unreasonably warm winter, and whether it is Global Warming. This article says to expect 2007 to be the warmest year on record, a record originally set in 1998... a quickly moving upward trend if I ever saw one. They're also pulling out the 'ol El Niño defense again. I haven't seen a real snow in 4 years, and now this! Grr, argh. Global Warming is really cramping my style, man.
Anyway, I'm going to Thailand! I was hanging out in my Dad's house, trying to figure out if I should find an apartment, or where I want to work, and all kinds of deep life issues that I am apparently still not equipped to deal with properly, when I realized that there is no reason I can't run off and play for a bit before settling those questions. I've done everything I needed to do by coming back to the US for the moment, and while there are other issues on the horizon, at the moment I have a more or less clean calender and so I decided to go on the trip I'd wanted to go on after leaving Baghdad in the first place. I also wanted to get Lasik surgery, and after some research discovered that it's actually cheaper to buy a round-trip ticket and get it done in Thailand than it is to get it done here! Don't believe me? Check out US prices, and then go to the site of a very famous hospital in Bangkok and check out their prices and add that to the price of a round-trip ticket purchased at least a month in advance from expedia. The total pricing may wind up being more or less equivalent, but then you also get a sweet trip to southeast Asia out of the deal and a nifty passport stamp. It's totally a no-brainer.
I leave at the end of the month and will be gone for about 3 to 4 weeks. Sorry TF, (Can I call you Tim? You always sign in as TF, even though your name is Tim, and I feel kind of weird calling you TF if you'd prefer Tim. Let me know.) I'd love to go oil-drilling in Canada, but I hadn't heard back from you and I get antsy left to my own devices. If it's still an option come March, drop me a line.
In the meantime I am still having some issues with my old company about whether they will pay me or not and whether I am going to Washington DC later this week for a few days to give my deposition or not. I imagine I'll have a better idea of what's going to happen there by tuesday.
Meanwhile, go buy this shirt. My friend Heather made it (I think) to promote a book written by my newest friend, Miss Luongo. (Do you mind if I call you Miss Luongo? It fits, somehow, but if you don't like it I'll stop.) It's called "The Hard Way" and comes out sometime this spring. (Which, judging by the weather, is any time between now and April. I think that in May, summer will be here.) It's her debut novel, and I both painfully admire and jealously despise anybody I know that actually gets something published. Apparently it's a really really good book too, which shoots up my admiration even further, and sends my covetous black heart even lower. I can't wait to read it.

In Which I Attempt To Reassess My Role In The So-Called Blogverse, Yet Somehow Manage To Go On About The Same Old Things

Well I'm home... home being a relative term as I'm actually staying in a house I'd never laid eyes on before two days ago, in a town I'd also never been to, but by default I can call it home, nonetheless. My Dad and his wife Erin moved out here several months ago, and I have to say it was probably a good move. It's a neat colonial sort of a design, (you know, like, from days of yore) and the ceilings are all low giving it that extra old-time Sturbridge Village feeling, which I like a lot, having been taken there quite frequently as a child. Now all it needs is a charming old man in 1800's duds and apron selling rock candy over our kitchen counter and we'll be good to go. Having said all that, I do rather wish we were still in Stroudsburg. For all the moaning that gets done about the place by it's residents, both the ones that get stuck there and the ones that get away, it does have a certain unique personality which you don't actually find in too many other communities, and it can surprise you and even be fun from time to time. Of course I haven't really lived in the greater Stroudsburg area in about nine years, so who knows. Anyway we're not actually all that far from there, so I can visit whenever I like.
So you're probably thinking by now that I obviously have no new tales to tell, nothing good to offer because I'm back in dreary old US of A. And I have to say, mostly you're right, although probably that's more my fault than it's fault, as loads of people who have never left our rotund nation seem to have plenty of interesting things to say on a daily basis, and so I should probably not complain and get my act together. I just really miss being on the road... ever since I can remember I was always looking at maps and wishing I could go places; back when I was probably 6 or 7 or so, I remember looking at a full map of the US, and carefully plotting a route to Riverside? or maybe Riverbend? anyway River-something Wyoming, where my second cousins lived, and asking my parents if I could have airfare so I could go spend a week or two with them. For a while I had a sort of a map room in one of the houses we lived in, although as I pretty much took what I could get in the way of wall hangings at age 7, there wound up being a lot of posters of whales or constellation maps from National Geographic hung up as well, and maybe one or two actual cartographic maps. Oh, and one time when I was like 4, I was playing in our backyard and decided I wanted to go see Daddy at work, so I just started walking in the direction that Mom would drive in when we went to go pick him up. Some hippie chicks in a green VW bug picked me up on the side of the highway and asked me where I lived, by which time I was happy to explain it to them because I was only wearing diapers and they were uncomfortably full, and they brought me up to the house where my Mom was cleaning and hadn't even realized I was gone, at which point upon seeing two hippie girls leading me up the steps and hearing their explanation commenced to have a full blown panic attack. Apparently I'd made it like a mile away before someone bothered to stop and ask the toddler in diapers what he was doing walking down the road by himself.
True Story.
Well my point is, I am definitely one of those itchy-footed 'The grass is always greener' types of people, and I think that travel has got to continue to be a part of my life in one way or another or I'm going to go bat-guano barmy.
...And so my first opportunity for travel since coming home has reared it's somewhat unfortunately double-faced head! The cousin of my former- boss- who- is- in- prison has been trying to hold things together for the failing dirtbag company for the last couple of months, and has contacted me several times in the last month to ask for help in GBG's lawsuit against our former dirtbag client, DynCorp. Now, I never received my last month's pay from my former dirtbag company, as the guy who was in charge at the time, the owner's son Chris actually, pulled a disappearing trick during the final act of GBG's tenure in Baghdad and nobody has heard from him since. I explained to the new guy that I understood the problems they were having, and that I'd be happy to answer any questions via email or phone if it helped them out, but that if they expected any really substantial help from me they'd have to pay my salary. Really quite reasonable of me, considering I could probably ignore them completely and just sue them. So the upshot is that I am likely getting an all-expenses paid trip to Washington DC sometime in the next few weeks to give a deposition to dirtbag GBG's lawyers there, and possibly another trip in March to be called as witness in the actual lawsuit hearing. And of course, my salary. So while it's not as exciting as a trip to Giza, it's still kind of neat to be getting free rides. I've never really been to DC either, so it'll be interesting to see the corrupt seat of power that started my whole adventure in the first place.
I actually have a whole lot of other stuff I could expound on, mainly really weird stuff that I've been noticing about the US since getting back, but I think I'll let that whole body of anecdotes build up for a few days, saving me something inane to go on about for far too long in another post.

In Which I Get A Taste Of My Own Medicine, Which Sounds Kind Of Gross, But That's The Expression, Isn't It Then?

I've been watching the news for the last couple of days from Baghdad, and I caught myself doing exactly what I've been telling friends and family not to do for the last three years... which is to worry about my friends there. (Well, I never said for you guys not to worry about my friends. Actually I told you all not to worry about me, but you see, now I'm worried about them, so it's the same thing. Or rather, my position has now changed, so that rather than having people worry about me, I have to worry about people there. I hope I didn't just lose, or worse, bore you; I'm actually having trouble piecing the last couple of sentences together myself; I think I may have overexplained an unimportant point, just a tad... I need a drink.) See, the thing is, is that when you're there, in Baghdad, relatively safe inside the Emerald City, and stuff blows up or you read about stuff blowing up in various other parts of the city, you kind of shrug your shoulders and go tsk tsk, but you go on with your day, you know? I mean it's not like you don't worry or you don't care, but it's just another aspect of the environment where you go about your daily business. Noony noony noony noo-ny.
But the current crisis in Baghdad, which began on the 24th, and seems to be calm for the moment as of yesterday, really has me on the edge of my seat. Full-out Civil War seems fairly inevitable at this point, and that just means a whole world of badness for anybody still there, Iraqi wise. I'm sure that those inside the Interzone will still be fine, for the most part, and most of the Iraqis I know have emigrated to Kurdistan anyway, where the madness hasn't reached yet and hopefully never will. I'm trying to remember how the news always makes it seem worse than it feels when you're in the middle of it, but the more time that goes by where I'm having cappuccinos, walking around posh shopping areas, touring pretty mosques and museums, and eating McDonalds, the more distanced I've begun to feel, naturally enough, and the harder it is to put my head back into what's going on over there.
But my point is, now I know how things looked like to those few of you who were worried about me (and/or others in Iraq) from the outside for the last three years... didn't mean to minimize your nagging voices to a Peanuts adult character quite as much as I did... sorry about all that! Heh heh. All's well that ends well, aye? No hard feelings? Right-e-o, moving along then.
So Turkey has been real fun, but I've been here way too long... I have gotten to know Istanbul rather too intimately. I don't have much to add, excitement wise, from my last week here. I've mostly just been hitting the pavement and shoving my nose into every available nook and cranny, and even retreading the more choice spots. I really like the mix of East and West here... lots of haijabs, lots of carpets, lots of eyes of Fatima, and lots of other Middle Eastern stuff-n-junk, and also fast food. This has totally been a great place to ease back in to the West. I even went to see the new James Bond movie... it was in English with Turkish subtitles, so that was nice. It's a good one; definitely a bold move in the Bond franchise. I like that he gets his butt kicked all over the place, before sort of coming out on top. It's not really what Bond is supposed to be about, but that just made it more interesting. Anyway, Istanbul, not Bond. Sorry. It's a wicked neat city, but sadly it's not as exotic to me as it might have been had I not already toured several Middle Eastern countries before arriving here, though as I said, I did enjoy the mix. But I feel that I've finally seen everything I need to, and it's time to move on, so tomorrow morning I'll be flying to Budapest for a few days, and then making my way by train to Munich. I will, as usual, tell you more than you probably want to know about how it all goes.

Even Old New York Was Once New Amsterdam. Why They Changed It I Can't Say, People Just Liked It Better That Way.

So you really only need about three or four days in Istanbul to see everything you need to see... I've been here for 11 days, which is excessive, as it turns out. Don't get me wrong, I've kept busy, and it's been pretty entertaining. The ferry ride up the Bosphorous Strait was very nice; a real continental divide, you know? (Yuk Yuk) But the total tourist trap of a town on the Asian side at the end of the ride was an unpleasant surprise. The town, named Anadolu Kavagi, is the last stop before the Bosphorous runs into the Black Sea, and you have to wait there for three hours until the next ferry returns to Istanbul. They had one of those old run down castles that you see all over both of these continents at the top of a hill there. Everything worth seeing in Europe is at the top of a hill, it seems. That took an hour to do, and otherwise the town is made of nothing but schmaltzy seafood restaurants with a guy for each one out on the street pleading with passersby to come in and eat. The first guy will say "Excuse me sir! Please, come inside to eat we have very good fish!" And I will say any of a number of things such as "No thank you", or "I just ate", or "NO!", or "F*** off you annoying s*** of a tout!" And the next guy, standing in front of the next resaurant about five feet away, and who was watching and listening to your pleasant exchange the entire time, will step out and almost block your path and say "Excuse me sir! Please, come inside to eat we have very good fish!" ...   Repeat ad nauseam.
And the Grand Bazaar... good lord. It's the same thing times ten. The Grand Bazaar is a neat place with alot of interesting things, but I pretty much was forced to run through it to avoid being harangued into a very annoyed death. This is a really bad habit that many of these near-eastern countries seem to have fallen into. Morocco was really awful that way also, especially in Fez. It's disappointing, and I think ultimately self-defeating for their own tourist business, because you know, if I am left alone, and I see something interesting, I will stop, peruse and potentially purchase. But the minute some smelly shop guy comes out and starts begging me to look at this or look at that, even if I may have initially been interested, I will run away from him, braying and kicking my hind legs out at him like the donkey I am. I have no patience for that crap. And I see alot of other tourists doing the same thing. The carpet seller's touts are particularly bad that way. It' s upsetting because they ruin what otherwise could be a very lovely atmosphere. Here's a shot I took of Touts on the lookout for suckers in the Grand Bazaar:

It's not that way quite everywhere in Istanbul, thankfully. The Grand Bazaar and Anadolu Kavagi, and various other pockets of tourist trapism here and there, but not all. Sultanahmet, the district where my hotel is, is mostly free of that except for a few carpet sellers and resaurants. Istiklal Caddesi is the main shopping area, and is the most western part of the city that I can see. There are no touts on that street and so far it's my favorite part of Istanbul, except for the Whirling Dervishes and Turkish Delight of course. There's a Starbucks there. Now, I really hate Starbucks coffee. But they have good muffins and pastries and such, and they had this special Pumpkin Spice Latte thing... the sins of the west never tasted so good. It's been a really long time since I was really able to indulge freely in a silly franchise flavored thingie on a street full of chic clothing stores playing obnoxious beat music loud enough to be heard from outside, unhealthy food vendors, dirty street buskers, and throngs of worshippers of the bargain.
Anyway, I leave tomorrow for other parts of Turkey. Cappadocia for starters, and we'll see where we go from there.
If I was still in Baghdad, I'm sure I'd have posted almost every day this week about how happy I am that The Democrats took back the power, Rummy quitting (!!! :) :) ) Bush looking like a chastened little monkey sitting next to Pelosi, and so many other beautiful moments. So aren't you glad you don't have to hear about any more of that crap from me? I am sad in a way, because I'd love to see how the denizens of Interzone are reacting to all of this... I asked my friends who are still there what the general mood is, and Darren wrote me back to say,
"As for the post-election mood, there's alot of "we're screwed now" and "that damn Pelosi's a b****" talk.  I can't wait to get the f*** out of here!"
God I hate those people. I'm glad I'm gone and done with it, but a big ugly smug part of me wishes I could be there to see all the chagrin going around. Let's just hope that voting the Democrats in just to get rid of the Republicans actually accomplishes something.

Transition Takes Longer Than You Might Think.

It feels weird to sit down and try and write something that's not about the latest Bush administration outrage, or Baghdad related, you know? On my smugmug page, my Baghdad gallery gets more hits than most of the other galleries combined, and I have a feeling that writing about some happy little jaunts around other less interesting parts of the world will reflect the interest level here, also... at least, I know that I myself feel that way. Somehow it almost doesn't seem worth it to sit down and try to describe Istanbul, because I've got nothing to complain about! Well, that's not entirely true; Every morning at 5:30am, I am woken by the sound of Islamic chanting coming from the towers of the Sultan Ahmet mosque, more famously known as the Blue Mosque and which has a direct line of sight to my hotel room window. It's really loud and obnoxious, and is actually more than I was ever subjected to in Baghdad. It certainly doesn't put me in the mood for praising Allah, which is what I understand is the intent.
The only other complaint I have is not so much a complaint as an observation chock full of wry amusement about Istanbul taxi drivers... this is no exaggeration, but every taxi I've been in here, the driver has had to stop and ask for directions! I don't think I've come across that particular idiosyncrasy anywhere else... my hotel is in the center of the most touristy area of the city, and the guy didn't know where it was...
Otherwise, Istanbul is great. Good food, very nice people, cobblestone streets, and alot of old stuff to see... just what I like in a vacation.
I'm not sure that I really believe yet that I am no longer in Iraq, or that I don't have to go back... in a weird way I miss it. It had a sense of immediacy that I doubt I'll ever get to experience again. It's a heady wine, being in the middle of world events, even peripherally... maybe I'll start looking for another job over there. Just kidding! Sort of.

Heave A Sigh Of {enter appropriate positive/negative emotive response here}, As Istanbul And I Are Now Officially Becoming Acquainted.

So I don't have to kill anything. I made it! WOO HOO. I can't tell you how nice it has been to just wander around the streets of a real city... stopping in some random little shop to buy a sweater because my dumbass forgot to bring one, having a cappuccino, not thinking about the possibility of getting bombed. I made it!!!! It's almost too good to be true. Istanbul is a real sweet city, too. I mean, I arrived in the afternoon, and it's really cold and wet and I didn't get a chance to really see anything real yet, but so far it's dollars to turds better than Interzone.
A huge weight has lifted from my shoulders. I'm back in the real world. I'm actually sitting in a lovely little cafe, having a glass of wine... I forgot about civilization.
So that's all... likely I won't be posting all that often, as I don't have a comfortable little spot in my own space anymore, and anyway I'll be too busy travelling. So say goodbye to the era of painfully near-daily random subjects and pointless sermonizing, at least for the time being, as we re-enter the mode of sporadic travellogues.

In Which I Natter On About Things I Have Only A Passing Knowledge Of, And Even Coin A New Word!

Hooray! Finally, an in-depth article about corruption in Iraq that doesn't mention my company or the owner. It's titled 'The Ten Most Brazen War Profiteers', and we didn't make the list! I don't know whether to be relieved or feel slighted. Anyway, it's a really good article. I really like the bit about the company Custer Battles, because I've been laughing at their name since my first year in Iraq; They used to do security for the Baghdad International Airport, and there it was, lettered on all of their trucks proudly, Custer Battles. Didn't they get it? Didn't they realize that that was like, the worst name in the world for a security company in Baghdad to have? Haven't we dared God to do his worst enough already? I mean, I know that the two founders of the companies' family names are one Custer and one Battles, but still. Change the name. Or make one up. Be creative, not a southern idiot.
But it's all very informative. Apparently Stuart Bowen of SIGIR has in fact fried bigger fish than my old boss, so I have to eat crow again for that thing I said a few posts back. See, this is why I should stick to Space and funny cultural differences and anecdotes. I have no head for the titanic amount of information spilling out all over the internet about the big Bushoglio over here. That's right, I'm coining it. A Bushoglio is an imbroglio, a crisis, a pandemonius riot, an unholy mess of such titanic proportions that it's like has not been seen in the known history of man, nor has there ever been a word created previously which can hope to describe how chaotic that man has made this place. It is a whirlwind which has made a storm that is growing big enough to gobble the world. If you don't think it's really that bad, read this post and then be so calm about it. I can't, of course, vouch for the total veracity of it, but alot of what is talked about there is stuff I've been hearing about for a long time.
And how about those secret CIA prisons, huh? Bush is all like "What? Yeah we got 'em. No big deal. We gotta screw some people outta their human rights to save them for real people like us, God told me so." Yikes. There have of course been rumours of those things for years... it's actually somewhat of an Interzone worst-kept secret. But damn. I shudder to think what things like that mean for the future of us.

Go Get A Cup Of Coffee, As This One Covers Alot Of Ground, Some Of Which Is Of The Same 'Ol, Same 'Ol Variety, & Some Of Which Is New

Clear your web browser's cache! I tweaked my page banner, and you won't get to gasp in awe at it unless you do so. Unless you're brand new here; Hello! I guess that it's not really all that different than what was already there, but I like it better. I couldn't find a font that had a wing ding of a galaxy, of which some are Messier Objects. So instead I settled for one with a little orbiting action, which is not a Messier Object but it's spacey so I still like it. I will keep looking for a  proper wing ding. Anyway, like you really care. Hey, look over here! It's a picture of all the cataloged Messier Objects:

Pretty.

Anyway, I figure that it's about time for an update on my political situation. So prepare to be dazzled by the mundanity of it all. Or stop reading. This is more for me, anyway... Things tend to make more sense to me after I've written them down.
So, we left off in our story way back at the end of July, with me and my 20 Iraqi employees sitting around the camp waiting to find out if we were going to get Castle Stomped or if we could successfully thumb our noses at them. There was a little back-and-forth between us and the JASG for a while there... they accused us of stalling, to which we replied 'Well of course we are, that's what we've been saying all along! We want to not get kicked out right now so we can get a sublease on the property with the Iraqi Government! Duh.' To which they rejoinded 'Bah! We're tired of waiting on such legalities. Get out!' And we waited a week before saying '...ummm, no.' And our lawyer proceeded to list a bunch of reasons why we didn't think they had any authority over us, using sneaky little tricks such as citing International, Iraqi, and US laws. That was almost two weeks ago and we've yet to hear anything back from them. So does this mean we have won? Well, here's where it gets complicated.
See, the thing is, even if they are defeated and are not planning some heinous sneak retaliation, as much as we want these pesky pretenders off of our backs about evicting ourselves and our property, we don't actually want them to entirely wash their hands of us just yet. The problem is, that if they sign over our property to the Iraqi government before we have that elusive lease / sublease agreement signed and sealed, there are factions in the Iraqi Ministry who would love the opportunity to come in here and kick us out, and confiscate all of GBG's property! Our property consisting of the 50 or so trailers we sleep in, our dining facility and offices, and a large warehouse, among other sundries. They would consider this repayment for the crimes to which our hapless leader pled guilty... having bribed CPA officials to get contracts to rebuild portions of Iraqi infrastructure and then doing a crappy job, where there was any work done at all. (The JASG is a direct descendant, by the way, of the CPA, in regards to certain authorities which the CPA had assumed in the Wild East of 2003-2004, legally or not.) In light of the fact that he did plead guilty, it would seem that they do have a point. But it is not my place to decide such matters, sadly.
So it would seem that, as usual, I find myself in a moral grey area between the big stupid rock and a...nother big stupid rock.
Meanwhile, (Saying 'meanwhile' in a grand voice like the narrator from the old '70s early '80s Justice League cartoons has become one of our favorite jokes around here, lately. Say it! MEANWHILE!) here is what I have been doing to get by:
Selling GBG property! Oh, not any of the big stuff... that would get the owner in even more trouble, as all of his assets are frozen. No, I have to get permission through our lawyer from the Dept. of Justice to sell anything more substantial than building material, such as actual buildings or vehicles, and so far I have received no such permission. Thankfully, there is plenty of useless (to us) material around which I've been able to pawn for enough cash to continue paying the Iraqis, purchasing gasoline for our generators and vehicles, food, and miscellaneous other life-supporting items. It's been kind of fun, actually. I've discovered alot about myself in the process. Such as the fact that I am a lousy, miserable business man who doesn't know jack about what things are worth. In retrospect, I could probably have gotten more money for alot of the stuff I've sold if I knew what I was doing. But hey, I'm the only one here and I do what I can. If the company gets mad later, well, they should've been here themselves. I think that after selling what I can legally sell, I have enough cash to last us another 2 or 3 months, if we're thrifty. After that... Well, I just hope we have some issues solved by then, is all I'm saying.
On a side note: While writing this, something happened that made me realize I am way too jaded with Baghdad and should really leave. I heard a rocket launch, which is actually really loud and can be heard from several kilometers off, and is often mistaken for the actual explosion until you learn to tell the difference. Instead of freaking out, which you stop doing after the 5th one you've been around in your life, I just started typing faster because without really thinking about how stupid a thought it was, I wanted to finish this entry in case the rocket hit nearby and blew out my computer or killed me or something. This is not an unusual reaction, of course. I could tell alot of stories like that. Several weeks ago, Steve Steltzer and Darren Adams (Some Chiemseers who are also STILL here!) came over from their little happy compound for a night of movies and beer, and while someone was telling a story, Darren I think, a rocket hit nearby, shaking our caravans. We all kind of stopped for a second, to let the noise die down, and then Darren continued his story. About a minute later all five of us (Scott and Jeff were there, also) realized what had just happened and that not one of us had really reacted. We laughed about it and then quickly forgot the incident.
This is not a story meant to imply that we are cool, stone in the face of danger. No, what it really means is that we have become too complacent and are stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Getting used to explosions should not be the same as getting used to the noises of New York City outside your bedroom window. But kind of it is.

A Long Overdue Tea Kettle Whistle

Well, Rumsfeld is right about one thing; I am certainly morally and intellectually confused. Just not about him or the administration. About them, I am certain. They SUCK. Read Keith Olbermann's post responding to Rummy's blatant self-serving bile. Anyway, I'd like to ask him exactly what does he think people are confused about? The great job FEMA did on Katrina? How splendidly the war in Iraq is going, and how we found those WMD under Saddam's shoe in that dirty hole in the ground? (You'd think that if Saddam was such a grand, evil threat to world security, he'd have had a more blinged out secret bunker than that! You know, like Hitler's or Cheney's) Also, on a more personal note, I've read a lot about how SIGIR is hard at work fighting corruption in Iraq, proving that the US is on top of it... I'd like to know why my former employer is the biggest fish they fried?! Really, he defrauded the US Gov and the Iraqi people of $8 million?! Wow! Yeah, that's bad and all, but I think what they don't want people to realize is that over here, $8 million is like a short weekend's bribing money for companies like KBR and Bechtel. But those are large corporations and can afford to tie things up for years and even if wrongdoing is determined, no single person will be held responsible. I think that back when Phil was arrested last November, the director of SIGIR, Stuart Bowen, said something like "Boo Yah! We're gonna get 'em, this is just the first of MANY! Them crooks oughtta start shakin' in their boots now!" ... In going over their site, it looks like they've got two or three other guys even more small-time than Phil was, still leaving billions of dollars of suspect destination unaccounted for. So, the lesson seems to be, if you're not a big enough crook to hide behind a US Government crony with power, watch out!
How does it go? A whole buncha sound and fury signifying nothing? Yeah, that's what.
Alright, I'm done. There are much more well-informed sites out there about this whole imbroglio, I'm sure. I'm just a morally confused putz in the wrong place at the wrong time, anyway.

Ode To 3 Freakin' Years In Baghdad or, Frankenpost

Three years. I've been in this bloody country for three bloody years, today. I was 30 years old when I got here. If I don't manage to get thrown out soon, I will turn 34 here. UN-FREAKIN'-BELIEVABLE.
My biggest regrets? Well, number 1, I can't believe I wasn't questioned by the FBI when Phil was arrested. That would have been so cool. I mean, they questioned one employee that quit about 3 weeks after Phil was arrested, and he'd only been with the company for like 2 months. I mean hello! Project Manager! Been with the company for like 2 years now! I bet I know some good stuff. Jerks.
Another regret is that yesterday my friend Jeff and I were talking, and came up with the best description ever of PSD guys, and I already wrote about those clowns months ago, so there's no place to use it, now. Hey, wait! I guess it might be apropos to give the description here! Nice how that worked out. Anyway, we had a run-in with some of them at lunch yesterday, nothing worth writing about at all, (There was no milk money involved, if that's what you're thinking) but afterwards we were kvetching and moaning about how much PSD guys suck, (Which is a common pastime here in the Interzone, believe me) and here's what we came up with: Imagine your high school football team. Now, not to totally cop the dumb jock cliché, but I kind of have to. Ok ok, every football team has one or two guys on it that are those all-around Alpha dog types; smart, studious, and also athletic. So, take those two guys out of the picture, there are none of those here. Now take what's left over and fill them up with steroids and give them guns, and actually, dumb them down a little more even, as at least your high school football team went to classes and had some sort of current sense memory as to what education and learning are.
Yeah okay, that really wasn't necessary or worth it, but we laughed about it pretty hard and I really wish I'd had that in my original whingeing about PSDs post.
Moving on...
I got an email from my grandmother this morning where she asks "What remains unclear is what their [GBG's] ultimate aim is. Do you hope to get back into operation (and when you do operate what exactly do you do, anyhow?)" - Well I guess that's a valid question, and seeing as how it's my 3 year anniversary and I've been hard-up for other stuff to write about lately, it's worth a shot.
Honestly, at this point GBG's goal at the moment is simply to stay afloat. Phil owes a lot of money to the US government due to his guilty plea and subsequent plea bargain, possibly more money than he made here in the first place. So, part of the goal is to make enough to pay those fines and hopefully come out at least even. As far as what we do... well I don't really know what all he's got up to all around, but my involvment was to run a valid (and legal!) life support contract at the 600 man camp until we lost that. Now, we are left only with the GBG camp, which we had built for ourselves to support other GBG contracts in the Interzone. But now that we have no other contracts, and are very unlikely to get any, we have this multi-million dollar asset here in the Interzone which is in perfectly good shape, and we want to use it as a sort of IZ hotel. There is a real shortage of property and places to stay in the IZ, and we've had hundreds of people asking us to let them or their company house people here, which we've had to turn down until we can clear our property issues up. So there is a market for an IZ hotel, and I am more than capable of running it with what we have here.
Also, my own personal goal is to keep collecting paychecks, and for my Iraqi staff to keep collecting paychecks.
My grandmother also asked "Then there was that latest message- [my previous post] -incoming shrapnel. What is the message there? Time to bug out?? That so-called safe green zone doesn't sound so safe anymore."
No message! I just thought the shrapnel looked neat. We get bombs all the time- no big deal. Anyway, I don't know that I've ever heard anyone call the Interzone safe... just more safe than Baghdad proper.
That blog that I (among thousands of others...) rave about all of the time, Baghdad Burning, has been turned into a play! I heard about it on BBC radio yesterday, and then looked it up online. It's apparently not a very good play, at least according to the New York Times, but I think it's cool that she's received so much attention.
Anyway, in honor of my three year anniversary, and due to the voluminous amount of free time I have nowadays, I've been re-calibrating my smugmug page. I've added a few new photos here and there, and also gone back and tweaked a few of the old ones in order to bring out better color and so forth. The galleries I primarily have been messing with are Baghdad, Blackhawk Ride to Balad, Venice, Prague, & Petersburg Alaska. I've made very minor adjustments to a few others.

The "May You Live In Interesting Times" Curse

At the risk of perhaps speaking too soon... well, it's the 29th, and nobody has yet showed up to forcibly escort us away from this junky beat writer's paranoid idea of heaven known as Interzone... I think that means that our lawyers and their lawyers are yukking it up back in the States and so all of this will be handled in a more lawyerly, and therefore slower, manner. So, barring any more wackiness, it looks like once again we've managed to buy ourselves more time. I feel that I should offer a clearer explanation of our situation here than I have in the past at this point. The reason I haven't until now is that it's really just a bunch of minutia, and I didn't want to bore anybody's computer into standby mode. So, please feel free to skip to the end; I'll understand. But if you're at all worried that, despite all of my protests, I have in fact been involved in illegal activities by remaining in the Interzone employed by a known (and jailed, I might add) criminal, and wish to set your mind at rest, well, read on until you find yourself waking from a stupor with drool on your keyboard.
Anyway, I'll try to make it as painless as possible. The gist of the matter is that the property upon which GBG built it's 100 Man Camp was given to us by the Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA) back in the wild wild east days of American Occupation in Baghdad. The problem with this is that the CPA of course didn't have the right to give out any properties, as all property in the Interzone belongs to the Iraqi people. Now the Iraqis didn't have a government at the time; we were still trying to set one up for them after demolishing their original one, so the CPA took a lot of such liberties, assuming that there was no one to tell them they couldn't. When the CPA left town, replaced by the Office of the US Embassy (Once again, The Castle) after the Iraqi government we created had begun to function, (well, sort of function) there were quite a few such imperialistic messes to clean up. In the case of property issues, all American squatters such as us were given new contracts. These contracts said that we could remain on the land until the Iraqi government issued eviction notices asking for their land back, which was likely to take a while as property issues in the Interzone were hardly their primary concern at the time. Well, the day of reckoning did eventually come, as it always does. The thing is, our eviction notice didn't come from the Iraqi Municipality; it came from the Joint Area Support Group's (JASG) property management office, which is a US military office inside The Castle. They said that they were going to officially turn the property over to the Iraqi government, and before they could do that, we had to leave and take all of our things with us. So when we got the initial eviction letter, we contacted an Iraqi company, who hired an Iraqi lawyer to look into leasing the property from the Iraqi government once it was handed over, and our arrangement is hopefully to then sublease it from the Iraqi company. So that is why we think we'll be able to stay. If some of you are confused as to why exactly we want to stay here, well, so am I, but a company is as a company does, and ours is schizophrenic, and so is ours, I think.
Anyway, the problem is, we are fairly certain that the JASG is lying and does not, in fact, wish to turn the property over to the Iraqis. The only way they can make us leave is by turning it over to them, and that's why they're saying that, but there are a lot of other people in the Interzone having the same problem. One company in particular that I know of actually did the exact same thing that we are doing, except they actually physically left their property with the understanding that once it was actually turned over to the Iraqi municipality, with whom they had a pre-arranged sublease agreement like we're doing, they'd move back in. But once they left, their property was not in fact given to the Iraqis as stated, but signed over to some people from the Japanese government (or a Japanese company... I'm not clear on that exactly) for an undisclosed "donation." Now these poor guys are screwed; they physically left their property because their company had current contracts with the government, and didn't want to rock the boat, and so they lost their property. Incidentally, the Iraqi municipality is also extremely peeved with the JASG over the affair, as they thought they were getting their land back, but were instead subjected to the peacup con as well. 
So, we are not playing it so easily. We have kept ourselves and our assets on the property in defiance of The Castle, as we have nothing to lose, really, and our lawyers in both Iraq and the States are working the case. And at the moment, it seems to be working... after we issued a legal letter on the 24th stating our case, and our intent to sublease the property and therefore not pack up and leave, we have had only silence in return. Which of course could be a bad sign or a good one, but they didn't apparently feel that they could forcibly remove us on their stated eviction date as threatened, so that's hopeful.
  So that's where I'm at now. I apologize for the keyboard-shaped imprint on your cheek. If drool has in fact ruined it, please feel free to send me the bill.
No, not really. You could've stopped reading at any time, you know.
Anyway, as you've probably already noticed, I recently added a little mp3 player to my website...* if you don't want to hear it, just hit the pause button once the music starts. There's no stop button, which is annoying, especially as I have a very slow internet connection and it takes like ten minutes to load a song, so it starts and stops, starts and stops. For those of you with much faster connections, you'll have to let me know if it plays smoothly and is worth me keeping it. If it's too annoying to bear even for the best connections, I'll remove it. Also, for those of you with sensitive natures, a few of the songs have rather explicit subject matter. For instance, if there are children around whose ears will shrivel up and fall off upon hearing some foul language, avoid the following tracks: 'Nuclear War' by Yo La Tengo, 'I'm An American' by Dennis Leary, (But that's not even actually the name of the song. I committed some minor censorship there for the sake of a spot of clean humor; so spank my *** and call me Tipper Gore) and while 'Heterosexual Man' by The Odds has no explicit words per se, it does deal with some humorous adult situations.
And so there, now you've been explicitly warned, and it's time for me to go as it's the busiest part of my day: Lunch.

*The mp3 player widget has since been removed because the website that had offered it as a widget has ceased.

Questions In A World Of Blue

There was an incident two days ago where one of my Iraqi employees was caught unescorted in the Interzone. For anyone unfamiliar with Interzone escorting policy, I'll spare you a migraine and give you the basic idea: Everybody in the Interzone must have an approved ID badge. If you don't have one, especially if you're an Iraqi, you must be escorted everywhere you go inside the Interzone by someone who has escorting privileges on their badge. Now please take the time to pray and give thanks that I did not give you more details, as Interzone policies on any matter would give Byzantium a run for their money, and the Interzone badging policy is the worst of the worst causes of spontaneous aneurisms around here.
Anyway, my employee Abu Anwar, (Which actually means 'Father of Anwar... it's the local version of a nickname) actually had a badge, but it had recently expired and some busybody from some office of the Embassy (hereafter referred to as "The Castle", re: Kafka) saw him and I received a phone call asking me to make an appearance. When I arrived on the side of the road where they had snagged him, that same busybody (who wasn't a part of the Interzone police force, although the gentlemen from the Interzone police were there also) began asking me alot of questions and it quickly became apparent that he didn't actually care about the escorting violation as much as he cared about giving a GBG employee a hard time. That's been happening more frequently lately as it seems that someone in The Castle has a personal vendetta against GBG, and they are getting panicked as apparently we are getting closer to saving our property and remaining in operation.
Well the point of all this is that this agent of The Castle was a real colostomy bag and was trying to accuse me of something, although I'm not sure what. He apparently was happy being pugnacious and insinuating, hoping I would crack and tell him where all Phil's Gold was or something. While unjustly acting as though I was a criminal, he accusingly asked me if I felt comfortable working for a criminal. I have to say, as sensitive a subject as my former boss is with me, it was all I could do not to laugh in his face. And I mean one of those laughs where spit comes out of your mouth all accidental like, and you and the guy the spit landed on try to pretend it didn't happen. I asked him if he or his colleagues had found any Weapons of Mass Destruction yet. I asked where the billions of dollars of Iraqi money formerly in the care of The Castle went to. Luckily he wasn't smart enough to retort, because such questions really are unpatriotic, and as this gentleman from The Castle was kind enough to remind me, there still exist those people who unquestioningly believe in America's moral superiority, and he could have possibly given me a much harder time. We are all working for criminals.
Speaking of which, I received a phone call last week from Phil. I was sleeping the deep sleep of the mid-afternoon nap, and I answered the phone before I was really awake. When I heard Phil's voice on the phone, I think I lost 5 years of my life before I realized it was just a dream. When I realized that in fact it wasn't a dream, I lost two more, but I have to say that a phone call from your boss in jail who you haven't spoken to since he was arrested nine months ago is a more effective wake-up than Turkish Coffee.
Anyway, he was calling to thank me for not abandoning him... at this point I'm actually the only American left working for him. Everybody else has left or found other jobs. I must admit that, if I hadn't remained, his company here would be a total lost cause at this point. As it is, I've probably only delayed the inevitable for a few months, but I'm proud of having been able to hold things together somewhat. HOWEVER... as I voiced empty responses to Phil, I was thinking that the reason I didn't "abandon" him had nothing to do with him... at all. I owed Phil some loyalty, it's true. He hired me on at a salary that is more than usual for someone of my experience level, even here in Baghdad, and gave me a chance to prove myself. It's been a great opportunity all around and even apart from the money I've set aside, the experience is invaluable and my resumé looks great. But as far as I'm concerned, after our 600 Man Camp contract went down in flames, my debt to him is repaid and concluded. Now it's all about salvaging what's left, and hoping that when I do leave, I can leave things better for my Iraqi friends than they were when I arrived.

EITHER This Entry is a Dull Rant, OR it's an Ad for Better Blogs

So we just had a visit from the son of GBG's owner, whose name is Chris and is now running the company. After everything that's happened, we are just now FINALLY coming to our crossroads. We were served eviction papers saying that we have to vacate this property by June 30th, because the US is turning it back over to the Iraqi government. So, if we can continue to lease the property from the Iraqis, we will stay and continue to rent this camp out to clients, which means I could be here for a long time yet. OR, the Iraqis say "Screw you evil American opportunists, whose leader is in jail for stealing money from us!" and I'm outta here!
I figure it's 50/50. Either way I'll be happy and sad. It's a win/win lose/lose!
At least I finally have an either/or situation. I'm really happy about that. It's been nerve-wracking not knowing if or when something is going to happen.
Otherwise, it's slacking as usual. I finished Buffy, and have started watching 5 seasons of Smallville. It's not as cool as Buffy, and the writing is often clunky, but hey, it's Superboy and it kills time.
Hmmmm... I guess after that last paragraph, my whole case for the waiting being nerve-wracking kind of crumbles, doesn't it? But I'm actually really ... well, I don't know what the word is. Agitated? Unsatisfied? Meh... I'm really really tired of being so inactive. My gaze seems to be unfocused from too much screen time, and I feel icky from the lack of excercise. I'd actually be working out these days due to all the free time, but there's no good place where I'm at to do that. Oh yeah, and I'm lazy. That's the nicest either/or thing about June 30th; either I'll be leaving and getting ready for some intense travel, or I'll have a real job again. So I'm really looking forward to it. It's been awesome to sit here for 2 or 3 months and get paid stupid money to do essentially nothing... a Gen-Xer's dream come true, actually. But apparently that life style is bad for you. Well, bad for me. Who knew?
Oh, you should go to davidleeson.com, or his blog. He is a professional photojournalist whose pictures I'd found on a CD here and posted on my smugmug page. When TF recently notified me that they belonged to one David Leeson, I contacted him and he was extremely cool about it and let me keep his photos on my site. He was in Iraq in 2003 during the invasion, embedded with the military, and at great personal risk took some incredible photographs.
And speaking of other bloggers; a friend of mine who likes to communicate with me through vague blog entries of her own because I'm really bad at emailing and deserve to be boiled in my own pudding for my lack of response because I can't seem to make myself write an email any more turned me on to a blog written by a 24 year old Iraqi girl. It's an incredible website; She's been writing on it since August 2003 (The same month I arrived in Baghdad!) and her intelligence, english and writing skills are better than almost any native english speaker I know, certainly better than mine. If you're curious how this whole Post-American invasion of Iraq event looks through an Iraqi's eyes, it's an awesome place to go. They've actually published her blog as a book which you can purchase at Amazon. Anyway, the blog is called Baghdad Burning, and it's seriously worth spending some time with.

Waiting For Something To Happen and Other Dreary Tales

This is another one of those no news is no news types of things. I'm getting really high up in level in a PC video game called Fate. I'm about halfway through Buffy the Vampire Slayer season 4... again. We have a temporary client, of sorts, who we've provided some living space for in our camp for a few weeks, but I haven't actually met any of them or done any work in that area. Not my department. I think I walk less than 1000 paces a day, because I appear to be getting greasy and fat for no particular reason. My old boss was in the papers again the other day because they unsealed his plea bargain... he had pled guilty to all of the charges against him in February, and will have to pay close to $8 Million in fines and restitution and faces up to 40 years in prison... to be decided at a future sentencing court date. Crime don't pay, kiddos.
We had a dust storm in Baghdad today, which is weird because it's really not the season for them. Here's a picture of our Head Chef, Robert, sitting outside our Dining Facility in the dusty weather.

If You Play Atari Too Much, Real Life Begins To Look Pixelated And Silly

Thank you everybody for your kind comments on my last post... I appreciate that. My Dad emailed me today to say that people were asking if he'd heard from me, and he hadn't, and was moved to write and make sure I was ok. So I guess that last post was so depressive that it had people fearing I was, as threatened, lying in a ditch somewhere in Baghdad with a syringe full of Drain-o hanging out of my arm. I'm sorry for worrying everybody, but never fear, writing in a public forum such as this does tend to bring out the worst in me, and I may have gone too far with the whole junkie suicide thing. I assure you all, it was merely a form of writerly juvenile self-indulgence, not an actual threat. If I ever decide to off myself, I'll do it in a much more cowardly fashion, like the running car in an unventilated garage thing. And since there are no proper garages around here, you can relax, knowing that it's impossible for me to purposefully check out for the time being.
At any rate, We are now completely moved out of the 600 Man Camp where our contract was terminated so rudely last week, and are now a large happy crowded family in the much smaller GBG camp. I bought a Flashback Atari 2600 console at the PX this week, which has about 40 original Atari games built in, and have spent the last few days re-acquainting myself with Pitfall, Asteroids, and River Raid. So you can see I've been extremely engaged.
We are also in the process of slowly sending Romanians home, and should have them all snug in Bucharest within the next two weeks, except for a contingency of about 30 to keep our camp running until such time as we get more work, or the home office decides to completely give up in Iraq. Which brings me to how all of this affects my future...
Apparently, the home office believes that we can still get other work, and also apparently believes that they want me to be a part of it. As unlikely as this sounds, it is indeed true. So I was asked today to go to Romania for a week to take care of a few things... they want me to speak to GBG's lawyers in order to give them a clearer picture of what happened at the 600 Man Camp in the last few weeks we were there, as they are going to take our ex-client to court. And then they mentioned something about putting me in Marketing... which scares me a bit. I told them that I was a horrible salesman, the worst you could ask for actually, and yet they still sounded serious. So if my visit to Romania doesn't turn them from this silly idea, I will then be returning to Baghdad to do some, um, marketing and junk. I myself don't really believe that there is a future for GBG in Baghdad... everybody here knows Phil, and will be very reluctant to enter into any business with his company due to recent events. But, as I was saying to myself only a few hours ago, if they want to keep paying me the stupid amount of money that I tricked them into paying me to sit in my caravan and make phone calls, I will be happy to oblige for as long as I can get away with it. They will catch on about me sooner or later, and I dare say there will be a day of reckoning for me then, but once they've made that wire deposit, they can't take it back. Nyah nyah.
So I may be leaving for Romania this saturday, depending on ticket availability, and I will of course have more to say on that when I know more. And if all goes as they seem to want it to, I will be back here a week after that. The whole thing is so speculative right now, that I really can't guess what will happen, so I won't. It looks as though, at the least, I will be here until the end of April.
And that's that. TTFN. ITMFA.

The Dead Sea of My Life (lowest point on earth, in case you didn't get my clever metaphrase.)

So I'm writing this entry so that, years and years from now when I re-read it, I can remember what has been the worst day ever. This morning, everything that I've been dreading might happen over the last several months crashed down on our heads all at once. We received a written notice of Contract Termination for Default, which means essentially that we were told to halt all work in the camp immediately and given 3 days to remove all of our personnel from the site, and only personal belongings. We are fighting the 3 day thing at the moment, as it will be a logistical nightmare; around 100 Romanian employees, with nowhere to put them, and only 2 flights a week to Romania on which in the past we've only been able to get at most 20 people on a flight. We do have contingency plans, so no holocaust there, just nightmares.
I had to let all of my Iraqi employees go today, many of whom made it very hard to keep my manly cool and not cry like a girl. Sorry ladies, but I've seen how you cry, and I bet I look just like that in these situations.
The next worst part of today after firing Iraqis AGAIN, is that since the owner of the company is in prison, many of the people here, who don't have him here to gloat over, have decided that I am the next best thing and a worthy stand-in for all the derision. Therefore, regardless of the facts, I've been made to feel like the criminal all day. And then my best friend yelled and then hung up on me because I forgot to call him about a work-related detail while I was in the middle of all this.
So in short, this has been the most demoralizing, horrendous day I could ever have imagined it being, and it's going to be a long long time before I can hold my head up again, if I don't commit suicide by shooting up Drain-o first. There are even about 20 more layers to this whole thing, which I simply don't have the desire or energy to go into right now.
But since I don't wish for anyone who reads this to get so depressed that they're afraid to ever speak to me again, I think that in all fairness I need to address a brighter side of all this.
Apparently the new contractor, who our crapbucket client already has in place, was speaking to my workers today and has already offered several of my Iraqis jobs, which is a good thing. If they can continue to work, then half of the reason I am so bummed out is void. Okay well, a third of the reason anyway.
Also, it means I will finally be leaving this place which, while I hate the way it's come about, is actually probably a good thing for me. I've been here for 2 & 1/2 years, and excuse my vulgarity, but that is too goddammed long to live in a warzone. I've saved some money, it's probably well beyond time to go spend some of it. I don't have plans per se at the moment, but I'm kicking around a few ideas and we'll see. At any rate, I will be here for at least another month while we close up shop.

Party at the Love Shack!

So has anybody been watching the news as regards my very-in-trouble boss? The news has actually been more about the first guy they arrested, Mr. Stein, who was Project Manager at my camp for one month way back when I first started working for Phil. If you haven't, here's a link to my favorite article so far, which I copied and pasted from Fayetteville Online. And here's a NY Times article which has more pre-trial gory details. Bob went to court last Thursday, pleading guilty to all 5 charges against him... not a good sign that he didn't even try to defend. Also, not good for Phil when Bob fingered him as the plot instigator. Something tells me I won't be seeing that lunatic here again any time soon!
The newest major detail to come out of Bob's trial, though, is Phil's scandalously lurid "SEX VILLA"... where he lured officials into bribe schemes... those poor, misguided, easily swayed government officials, huh? Phil must be the devil himself to be able to lead those stalwart examples of our nation's finest into temptation!
Actually, all sarcasm aside, I'd believe it if he were the devil himself...
At any rate, I am proud to say that, even though I was invited on several occasions to party at the villa, I never did go. I never did feel comfortable accepting that invitation, especially since Phil wanted an RSVP signed in blood.... just kidding.
Sort of.

Being John Mikeovich

I got my Space Adventures video, and this time it works! I asked for it in 2 formats, DVD and MPEG, so I've got it all backed up and I'm a happy space camper.
It's fairly dull; the camera men insisted on keeping the camera on ME for most of it, which is silly because I'm hardly movie material, and everything going on around me is much more interesting... They even had the camera in the cockpit of the MIG pointed right at me, so 30 minutes of the movie is just me looking really out of place in a Russian supersonic jet fighter and the really loud sound of the engine. Blah. They have a little bit at the end of the take-off and arrival of me in the acrobatic L-39, but nothing of while I was actually up in the air, which leaves open a man-on-the-moon sort of debate as to whether I actually went up in the thing and did some acrobatics or whether it was all staged... But all that matters is that my friend Jen believes me! (10!) If only Neil Armstrong had so good an alibi...
But even with all that, I had a blast watching it... it made me want to go again. I am definately not done with Space Adventures; I have to retry the zero-gravity flight, and I'm thinking about the sub-orbital adventure... we'll see.
Anyway, still no word on our contract... although there have been hints that all is not lost. If they don't tell us by the middle of february that we have to go, then the contract stipulates that it is extended by default. So, that should be the latest that we know what the deal is. I think they're keeping quiet because they're having so much fun bullying us into non-contractual work... once the new contract is signed, they won't be able to do that.
Enough of that... it's bored. I don't really care anymore; I can stay or I can go. Either option has it's pluses, really. All I really care about is getting another vacation soon so that I can have something interesting to blog about rather than periodic "still no word" entries... hey! Like THIS one!
Buh Bye.

Jingle Jangle

Remember the old Pepsodent jingle?
"You'll wonder where the yellow went,
when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent."
Time for a 21st century update:
"You'll wonder where the billions went,
when you elect George Bush your president."

- From an article which also mentions my incarcerated boss.

Self-Fulfilling Grizzly Motorcycle Prophecy

Heh heh... I was just re-reading some of my earlier blog entries, and something funny occured to me. If someone had told me before a year ago that "You'll pilot a Russian jet plane before you ever drive a motorcycle!" I would have taken it to mean that I'd never in my life actually ride a motorcycle. But as it turns out, it would've been prophecy! I actually have flown a Russian Jet, and have not yet driven a motorcycle in my life! That's awesome! So I also have to kind of call bull***t on myself here because in my description of flight day, I compared piloting the L-39 acrobatic jet to driving a motorcycle in the sky, and as I've never been on a motorcycle, I apparently had no true basis for comparison, (unless you count the scooters I drove while living in Bavaria, which I probably shouldn't) but it sounded good. But I will definately correct that at some point in the future, as the prophecy clearly states that I WILL fly a Russian jet before ever riding a motorcycle! hee hee. Self-fulfillment rules!
  Has anyone seen 'Grizzly Man'? I watched it the other night, and man I laughed my butt off at that guy! I mean, he's just some loser that decided to go live in a super dangerous Grizzly Bear environment, even though he'd had no formal training with something like Park Service or Bearology or whatever! What did he think was going to happen! Ha! .... but then I realized that I've pretty much done the same thing... and I'm not sure if that makes him worthy of more respect from me, or me worthy of equal derision... let's just drop the subject there, okay?
So anyway, we finished the construction, mostly on time, but I'm still not sure where we stand with the client... on the one hand I think it's likely that they'll tell us to take a hike anyway, as we are usually having a crisis of some sort and are not fully able to meet their requirements, but on the other hand they'd be foolish to let us go because they've been bullying us into performing work that is outside what we are actually contracted to do, and we have to let them because we are in no position to stand up for ourselves. Additionally, they haven't paid GBG in 6 months, so it's work for free! Another contractor won't give them a deal like that! So anyway, my honest guess is that we'll only be here a few more months until they can hire a replacement contractor, but I've heard nothing official yet.
Thailand, here I come!

No News is... no news. Meanwhile, in other news...

Sigghhhh... so life is much less interesting to blog about now that I'm back to work and not flying all over the place... writing about Baghdad is even dull, as I'm afraid I don't get out much and therefore have little subject material. Scott, Jeff & I did get to hang out with Darren Adams and Steve Steltzer yesterday, for any Chiemseers reading. They're doing pretty well over at their little happy camp. Darren now has 7 Sri Lankens whose jobs are to fill water baloons all day. Jerk.
Meanwhile, on the GBG war front... no news. It's fairly obvious that our client wants us out of here pretty badly... the question of when is still somewhat up in the air, however. We have to finish all of our current construction projects for them by the end of the month, or we're out, and then our contract is up for re-bid in early March anyway... lots of factors.
Still no word from our imprisoned leader... not likely to hear anything from him for quite some time. I don't even know if a trial date has been set. They've arrested a third person in the case, a military guy which brought more clarity to the money laundering/gun running aspects of the whole sordid thing. Yay! I think it's neat-o that events surrounding my life have such hollywood overtones.
A couple more people have quit, therefore tightening the noose that much more. I'm just going to continue smiling and getting paid for it.
My Iraqis were all happy to see me come back; apparently there was some question among them about whether I would or not... unfortunately, my coming back didn't magically make everything go back to the way it was, as some of them seem to have hoped. Well, we'll keep trying, anyway. I feel really awful for some of them... work is getting more and more difficult to find around here, not to mention more dangerous, anyway. But we're still employed at the moment, so...
As far as any ideas about what I can possibly do after all of this is finally over? Um... yeah. Maybe I'll try what my friend Jen once attempted and try to break into Chinese children's television programming. (9!) Too bad I'm not small pretty and blonde.
I got my Space Adventures video! I do kind of look like a space-tard in it, but there's some cool scenes too... only half of the video works, however. Bad DVD. So while I write to Space Adventures and await another copy, I will contemplate whether I allow anyone to ever see it. It does capture me falling flat on my face while attempting to make a joke to the very intimidating Russian Mig-25 pilot, Alexander Pavlov, and his oh so stony response. But then it shows me having a good excited laugh when he does a roll in the Mig-25, which is kind of cool. And it shows my camera getting a little floaty when we reach our peak height. Watching it really made me want to do it again! But I probably won't. I will re-attempt to do the zero-g program though, someday.
So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop...

Back in the saddle of the mechanical GBG bull

Well, I made it back to Baghdad... yee haw. Before I even made it to the camp, while en route from the airport on route irish, I got a phone call which, to make a long story short, led me to the conclusion that 2 of our most entrenched employees are attempting to sell off company assets without company approval... the rats are abandoning ship and following Phil's fine moral example. So I've got some work cut out for me...
Anyway, there was just an explosion just now, so I'm feeling right at home again! Good to be back. Well, I have to go do some stuff. I guess.

On Weightlessness and Freefall, metaphorically speaking

So... I don't know if anybody's noticed, but my boss has been arrested and indicted for defrauding the government. (Defrauding? Shouldn't it be frauding?) It's been in all of the papers and his picture was all over ABC news the other day. So I'm pretty much out of a job. I'm going back to Baghdad to tidy things up before our client makes us leave... and then I'll be in limbo for a while, I guess. Sigh. It's very upsetting... I knew Phil was a bit shady, but he seemed like a regular business guy type... pretty much like every other business guy in Baghdad. The papers are saying some pretty nasty things about him, much of which I suppose is true.  I do know, however, that the Iraqis who worked for him are some of the highest paid Iraqis working for a US company in Iraq. The people working under me were paid 2 or 3 times as much as Iraqis working similar jobs at other companys in the Green Zone, and because of that I thought of my boss as a good guy. I'm really disappointed that it's turned out to be this way... I guess Al-Jazeera is having a field day with all this. I'm going to miss working there. I'm really going to miss my Iraqi friends... I feel worse for them about all this than anything. They are going to be out of work quicker than I am even... Phil has really screwed alot of good people over because of this.
Anyway, I'm in Ft. Lauderdale at the moment... I'm going to do my Zero-Gravity flight a little bit later this afternoon, and tomorrow I'll go to Pennsylvania. I may have to cut it short and head back to Baghdad earlier than I had planned, however... people are quitting and the camp is going to start falling apart pretty quickly. I just need to get there and help Scott, who's filling in for me, keep it together long enough to tie up some loose ends and get paid... It is really bad timing that this has all gone down on my vacation, I should be there.
Jen, I totally missed you on the last two posts! I'm really sorry, I don't know where my mind was. Anyway, at least I got you for # (7!)
Also, I've added a Mont St. Michel gallery at my smugmug page, and added some new photos in my Paris gallery.